Alegria
by Vinividivinci
Summary: Sequel to Lagrimas.  Angst topped off with extreme fluff.  S/J of course.
1. Alone

_**In Lagrimas I challenged myself to do a 'non-happily ever after' S/J story. I wasn't sure whether or not I was going to do a sequel. However, after a number of readers asked so nicely, I decided to go for it.**_

**_Warning: extreme sweetness. For fluff bunnies only!_**

He walked into his dark house and threw his jacket on the stair banister. He was too tired to worry about hanging it up. He walked carefully to the kitchen, not turning on the lights, but being careful of the still unpacked boxes in his path. The last thing he needed was to trip and fall.

When he got to the kitchen he made his way to the refrigerator and grabbed a container of orange juice and drank right from the carton. That was one thing about living alone – no one would give you a hard time about things like that.

He thought briefly about making himself something to eat, but decided not to bother. He was too tired and not that hungry, even though he hadn't had much more than a bagel today. With a sigh he turned and walked slowly into the living room and practically collapsed onto his couch.

He'd been in Washington for 4 months now, and he still didn't feel at home. It wasn't surprising really. All he did was work, from morning till late at night. Even his weekends were filled with paper work and trying to get caught up on everything he needed to learn to run Homeworld Security.

He thought briefly back to those first few weeks of running the SGC and how he'd almost resigned, feeling totally overwhelmed with everything. Well, that was nothing like DC. Here he felt like a total fish out of water and was sure, most days, that everyone around him thought he was a complete idiot.

What had made it harder, of course, was the fact that George hadn't really stayed on to pass over the reigns. Oh, he'd offered, and he'd planned to, but Jack had refused to let him stay. He'd been worried about his old commander. The man looked worn and ill. Jack assured him that he was just fine and that he'd figure everything out. George had protested a bit, but his heart wasn't in it and after a bit had agreed, with a look of relief, to take a quick retirement.

He'd talked to Hammond a few times since and had been assured that the older man was doing just fine, although Jack had his doubts. He still sounded weary. He prayed that the General would be okay. He'd feel terrible if he lost someone who was as close to a father figure as he had – even though technically Hammond wasn't old enough.

Well, Hammond's leaving had meant that Jack had had to pretty much figure things out on his own. He'd thanked God, repeatedly, for his secretary, Lieutenant Fitzgerald. She'd served under Hammond and had a good handle on what was going on. She'd saved his butt more times than he could remember. Still, she wasn't at meetings and couldn't always tell him what to say to the various politicians and bureaucrats he had to deal with on a daily basis. He'd spent most days freaking out, until he'd had a brilliant brainwave. He'd asked to have Paul Davis transferred to his office. He'd spoken to Paul first, and when the man appeared eager to join him, he'd begged the Chief of Staff. He was pretty sure the Chief was looking for some way to help Jack and so quickly agreed. Having Paul, who understood all the ins and outs – and booby traps – of DC was invaluable.

Still, Jack kept up his hectic pace. After a while it was more habit – and avoidance – than need. He'd finally gotten to the point where he knew what he was doing – mostly – and could actually make intelligent decisions. The problem was, he didn't have anything to do outside of work. He'd hadn't had time to make new friends and people treated him very differently now that he was a Major General. Gone were the days of the easy camaraderie of the SGC. People there had shown him respect, both when he was a Colonel and when he made General but they'd worked and fought side by side with him for years so there was more of an ease about their treatment of him. Here, people were very conscious of rank and status. He was expected to hang out with the other Generals, not with his subordinates. The only problem with that was the fact that he couldn't stand most of them. He found them to be a lot of self-important wind bags who had no idea what the men and women under them were dealing with. For most of them it had been years since they'd served on the front lines and none of them had been out there, beyond earth's boundaries. They didn't have a clue what was going on, either on earth or in space.

Of course, in his more honest moments, he admitted to himself that the real reason for his sudden and total focus on work, and lack of a social life, was that he was using it as a way to anesthetize himself. The more he kept busy, the less time he had to think. He was tired of dealing with the pain of loss and so decided to ignore it completely.

Even he knew this was probably not a smart thing to do. He was pretty sure that one day it would come up to bite him in the ass. He couldn't ignore it forever, even if that's what he'd like to do.

With a heavy sigh, he pulled himself up out of his chair and made his way to bed. He was just exhausted enough that he could probably sleep. In the morning he'd head in early and start the cycle all over again!

His intercom buzzed and he picked up the phone. "O'Neill", he answered abruptly. He really didn't feel like dealing with idiots right now.

"Sir, you have a call on line two. It's Dr. Jackson."

"Thank you Lieutenant." He took a deep breath and pushed the button. "Daniel, what's up?"

Daniel made a point of calling him at least once a week. He appreciated it, really he did, although he found all the calls quite exhausting. He had to work hard to not let his friend hear how miserable he was. He did his usual joking around, and made comments about all the things he was doing in DC (total lies of course). So far, Daniel hadn't caught on, which surprised Jack somewhat. Jackson was usually really good at discerning the truth. It had driven Jack crazy for years.

"Jack, hi. Uh look, I have a few days off and I thought I'd come up for a visit. I was wondering if you'd be free this weekend? I'll probably come up Thursday night but I can hang around by myself Friday. I thought maybe we could do some things together on Saturday and Sunday."

His first thought was almost one of panic. Daniel wouldn't fail to see that Jack was not enjoying life. Still, it would be great to see his friend.

"Jack?"

"Sorry Daniel. That'd be great. I was - I was just checking my schedule but it looks clear. Just let me know what time you're arriving and I'll pick you up – or if I'm in a meeting I'll send my driver."

"You have a driver?" Daniel asked.

"Yeah, I'm an important person here you know. Generals are important people in DC."

"Really? Aren't there a lot of them?"

"Oh yeah – way too many in fact! However, sometimes the perks are nice." He stopped and suddenly realized that he was looking forward to his friend's visit. In fact, it was the first thing he'd had to look forward to for a long time.

He stood waiting in the airport for Daniel to arrive. He'd decided to take the Friday off and spend some time with his friend. He hadn't really taken anytime off at all since he'd arrived, so he figured nobody would mind. He would have been surprised at how relieved his secretary was. She liked him, but he was around all the time, which made her job harder.

He grinned when he saw Daniel arriving. He looked the same – which shouldn't have surprised Jack since it'd only been 4 months. Still, for some reason it had felt much longer.

"Jack! It's good to see you." Daniel dropped his backpack and gave his friend a 'man hug'. "How are they treating you here in DC?"

Jack laughed. "Oh you know me. I've probably managed to piss off most of the Pentagon by now. I figure that eventually they'll figure out that I'm not cut out for this and let me retire to my cabin."

Daniel laughed dutifully, but he hadn't missed the fact that Jack wasn't totally kidding. As they headed towards the exit he looked surrepticiously at the General and was surprised at how worn and tired he looked. The job must be taking a lot out of him, he realized.

"I really appreciate you putting me up like this. I hope I didn't come at a bad time."

"No, it's great actually. Things are a bit slow right now so I have some time. Unless you had something planned I thought I'd take tomorrow off and we could do something."

"Oh, that's great – you're sure you can do that."

"Hell, I'm _really_ the man now Daniel. I report directly to the Joint Chiefs – and they pretty much ignore me unless there's an alien incursion or something.

"Really? Wow. I thought they'd be more interested in what's going on out there."

"Well, they are really, but for most of them it seems like kind of a shadowy kind of threat. They've never been off world so they don't really get it. It's not that they don't believe it exactly, it just isn't very real to them."

"They should all be made to visit another planet. Hey", he said eagerly as he had a wicked thought, "we could send them to one of Teal'c's Jaffa planets and stage a mock battle – and not tell them it wasn't real. I bet they'd have a different view once they dealt with a few Jaffa."

Jack laughed again, imagining the joint chiefs faced with Teal'c and his Jaffa buddies. Hell, they should send them over to meet Ishta and her Haktyl warriors. That'd give them a shock. "Yeah, I think I might actually suggest that to the President. They'd probably be easier to convince when I'm trying to ask for more money. Hell, we should make all of Congress go. That'd light a fire under their butts."

They eventually arrived at Jack's house in Alexandria. Daniel was quite impressed with the Colonial brownstone. It was big – much bigger than a single man needed – but had probably been meant for a family.

Jack opened the door and led Daniel in to the hallway. "Nice decorating Jack", he said when he noticed he stacks of boxed.

"Well, I've been busy. Haven't had time to put everything away yet."

"Everything? It kinda looks like you haven't put anything away", Daniel peeked into what he thought was the study and saw more boxes.

"Yeah, well, I don't need very much. Come on, I'll show you your bedroom."

Daniel was relieved to find that his bedroom didn't have boxes and looked totally finished. What he didn't know was that Jack had rushed out to buy new bedding and then had spent a late night getting everything ready for company.

After ordering supper, the two men spent a relaxing evening talking and laughing. It had been a long time since Jack had enjoyed himself but it brought back to him how much he missed his friends, and his old life.

Daniel had filled him in on everything that was happening back at the SGC. He was glad to hear that everyone was doing okay, although he couldn't help admit to himself that it made him feel a bit sad that they had gone on so well without him.

"Of course, we all miss you Jack", Daniel said, as if he'd read Jack's mind. "Things are okay but it's just not the same without you."

"Really? Things just not running as smoothly?", he asked hopefully.

"Well – no, things are running smoothly."

"Okay – but-?"

"But there's a shortage of cake, no red jello or fruit loops, no yo-yo's and no one comes and bugs us at inconvenient times during the day."

"Oh." Jack sat for a second and then grinned. "So the really important things are missing."

"Yup", Daniel grinned back.

Over the next few days the two friends spent time seeing some of the sites and just spending time together. It was a great time, only spoiled by one conversation. Daniel had said that Sam was doing okay, but otherwise hadn't said anything. It was Saturday before Jack had the courage to say anything.

"So", he'd finally asked as they sat in the living room, watching a moving. "How's Carter? She working too hard as usual?" He tried really hard to sound as casual as he could.

"Yeah", Daniel had said, pretending he didn't know how hard it was for Jack to ask. "I'm pretty sure that's all she does."

Jack turned and frowned. "Are you making sure she goes home on time and gets out of the mountain?"

Daniel grimaced. "Uh, she doesn't really listen to me Jack. I think you're the only one she'd ever really listen to."

"What about Landry?" he asked, refusing to think about what Daniel had said.

"Uh, he doesn't really try. I don't know if he knows. He doesn't go down to see her like you used to. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's a good guy, but he's not as close to us as you were."

"Teal'c?"

"No, she pretty much ignores him too."

"Really? I'd think that – uh – Pete wouldn't be happy that she was working all the time."

"No, I don't think he is, although he's still living and workig in Denver." Daniel looked over at the General and hated what this was doing to his friend. "He's transferring down next month before the wedding."

"I see. Well, she'll have a reason to go home then." With that Jack stood up and asked Daniel if he wanted a beer and that was the end of the conversation.

As Jack dropped Daniel off the next day at the airport, he couldn't help but realize he felt better than he'd felt in a long time. It had been great to see his friend but it made the distance from his old life seem even greater. That evening he sat in his living room and tried to watch TV, knowing that starting tomorrow his life would return to the same old grind he'd had since arriving in DC.

* * *

><p>Daniel sat in the plane, looking out of the window thinking about his visit. It had been great to see his friend. He hadn't realized how much he missed the older man. Jack, along with Teal'c and Sam, had become his family, but it was Jack who had been the first one to make him feel like he was no longer alone, that he had someone who cared about him. The career Air Force officer ironically also kept him grounded. Although Daniel often got exasperated at his friend, deep down he knew and appreciated the fact that the teasing and harassment was Jack's way of showing his affection and concern.<p>

It had been after a conversation with George Hammond that hehad decided to fly out to DC. The General had moved back to Colorado Springs and Daniel had gone to visit him. Hammond wasn't looking well – he'd aged considerably since Daniel had seen him last. He hadn't want to talk about himself however, instead he'd almost instantly brought up Jack.

"Have you seen him lately?", the General asked.

"Uh no. We email and talk every week but we've both been pretty busy. Why? Is there a problem?" Daniel worried that Jack wasn't doing well.

"As far as the job is going, he's doing great. Unfortunately he had to take over without a lot of help." George grimaced. "My health wasn't too good." When Daniel looked worried he smiled. "I'm okay now, just have to take it a little easier. I'm afraid I'm not up to worrying about alien incursions anymore."

"You've done enough Sir. If it wasn't for you we'd have been toast a long time ago. I think you deserve to take it easy."

"Thank you Dr. Jackson. But the fact is I'm worried about Jack. As I said, he's doing a fantastic job. I'm getting glowing reports from Washington – and they're from people who I trust to tell me the truth. No, the fact is that from all indications he's just about killing himself. Paul Davis told me the man works 7 days a week and often doesn't go home until late at night. We're all worried he's going to burn himself out."

"I expect he's just trying to get caught up on everything. I'm sure it was a pretty intense learning curve."

"Yes, although he had an advantage having been with the program since the beginning. From what I've been told he hasn't seen anyone or done anything outside of work, unless he's doing it in the middle of the night. I have a feeling he's not happy. I also feel like I forced him into taking the job when it was really something he didn't want."

Daniel frowned. General Hammond was clearly feeling guilty and was worrying about Jack. "I can go see him and find out what's wrong", he finally said, "but you shouldn't feel bad. I think Jack wanted to leave the SGC. It was getting – hard for him." He didn't want to say anymore. It was Jack's business after all, but when he saw the look of comprehension on Hammond's face he realized he didn't have to say anything.

"I wondered how he'd take it", he said. "I didn't know if things had changed or if there were still – feelings there."

"Yeah, there are, and I don't think it's just on Jack's side", he confessed. "She's working herself to death too and I can't get through to her."

"Then why in hell hasn't she gotten rid of Shanahan?" George asked.

Daniel raised his eyebrows in surprise. This was the first time he'd ever heard the General admit to knowing anything. He'd kept things pretty close to his chest, although Daniel realized he hadn't had much choice. If he'd brought the matter out into the open he could have destroyed two careers.

"I'm not sure", he finally answered. "I think she's trying to convince herself that this is what she wants – or at least what she needs. She's living in denial and has told herself that everything will be fine when they're married."

"Have they set the date?" he asked.

"June 14th", he answered. "She just told me the other day. Teal'c wanted to tell her she was being foolish but I convinced him not to. She has to be the one to figure it out. I don't think any of the rest of us can say anything."

"No, probably not. The only person I've ever met who's more stubborn than Samantha Carter is Jack O'Neill – she was just more subtle about it."

Both men sat, with heavy hearts, wishing they could do something for their friends, but knowing there wasn't anything they could do – not when the people involved were so blind and stubborn.

So, Daniel had called Jack and flown out to Washington and he was glad he had. Not only had he enjoyed the visit, he'd seen for himself that Hammond's worries were legitimate. Jack was working too hard and he was convinced it was to mask the pain he was in. He should have taken some C4 he realized, and put it under Jack's butt. He needed something to get through to him.

* * *

><p>Sam sat looking at the stack of invitations in front of her. They frightened her more than a whole battalion of Jaffa and all the System Lords put together. She had been sure that when she finally agreed to a date for the wedding and started the planning, that her doubts and fears would go away. Instead they'd gotten worse. She went through most of her days feeling sick to her stomach. At one point she'd even gone to see Dr. Lam, thinking that maybe she had a low grade flu or something. The good doctor hadn't found anything but had suggested that maybe all Sam needed was a break.<p>

Taking a break – no matter how small – was just something she knew she couldn't take. She didn't want to have time where she'd have to think – at least of anything other than naquada reactors and aliens threats. No, she'd be fine, she'd convinced herself. She just had to make a decision and get going on it.

So, here she sat, with 100 invitations to her wedding ready to be addressed. She had the weekend - they'd been given four days off and Daniel had gone away - although he hadn't said where. Teal'c was in the middle of a movie marathon in his room! So, she figured now was the time to get the damn things written.

Her wedding was coming up in 6 weeks. She frowned – no, she meant Pete's and her wedding. She couldn't forget him, mustn't forget him, even though she had a tendency -" She closed her eyes, suddenly guilty for the thought. He was a good man, a kind man – and he made her happy – didn't he? Of course he did, she said to herself. The days that he came down from Denver were much easier for her. Maybe that was her problem. Once he was here permanently she'd be much better.

She pulled the first invitation towards her and determinedly began to write. Her future mother-in-law and her two future sisters-in-law had all offered to help her but she'd insisted she could do it. She knew she'd disappointed them but she really didn't think she could handle sitting around laughing and giggling about her upcoming wedding. It just didn't make her feel – that way.

She knew Pete's family had a hard time knowing what to make of her. She'd tried to be polite and friendly, but she had a hard time opening up to them. For some reason she resented the fact they assumed they were her new family. She already had a family – Mark and his wife and kids, Teal'c, Daniel, and –" She put her pen down and took a deep breath. This was ridiculous, she thought. What the hell was she doing.

Once more she picked up her pen and began to write. By the time she'd been at it for almost three hours her hand was numb. She was down to the last handful and knew that she'd soon have to face _that_ invitation. She still didn't know what to do.

* * *

><p>Jack let himself into his house. It was late – almost 9:30 by his watch. At least the weather had warmed up and spring was in full bloom. This was the nicest time of year in Washington. Soon the weather would become stinking hot and humid, but for now it was pleasant.<p>

He grabbed the stack of mail on his floor and put it down on the hall table while he removed his jacket. He grabbed it again as he headed to his kitchen for a drink. Again, he didn't feel like eating but figured he should have something. His uniforms were all getting too big and he knew people were noticing his weight loss.

He grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat at the island and looked through the envelopes. Bills, offers for credit cards – how the hell many credit cards does anyone need for God's sake, he wondered, EHarmony, he tossed that one aside with a grimace. He really didn't need to find a woman on the internet! Finally he picked up a large, gold embossed envelope. He instantly felt his heart stop.

It took a few seconds before he could breathe again. He briefly closed his eyes but decided he might as well get it over with. Using his finger he slit open the envelope and slowly pulled out the card .

He glanced over it as quickly as possible, feeling like each word was ripping another piece out of his heart. His eyes moved to the bottom of the page where there was a personal, written message.

_Sir, _

_It would mean a lot if you could come, but I'll understand if you're too busy. _

_Carter_

Yeah, that was his Carter, all right. Always trying to make it easy for everyone! She'd made him feel wanted while at the same time giving him a way out. Well, he absolutely _was_ going to take that way out. He glanced again and saw the date – June 14. Yup, he was sure he had a major, international summit on that day – or was it a meeting with the Asgard? Whatever it was, he knew he couldn't make her – wedding.

With a deep breath – that sounded suspiciously like a sob – he reached over and picked up the other envelope he'd tossed aside. EHarmony. Maybe it was time.


	2. Pieces

**_A quick update. For those worried that the last chapter was the end - no - remember I promised 'fluffy'! Just will take a bit to get there. It won't be long - maybe only two or three more chapters._**

"Sir", his secretary buzzed him from her office.

"Yes Lieutenant? What is it?" He rubbed his eyes as he looked up. He'd been reading reports all morning.

"Uh, Sir, I have someone on the phone who is asking to speak with you. At least I think she is." She said.

"You think? Can't you tell?"

"Well, she doesn't speak English, General. She keeps asking for Senor Chak."

He sat frozen, for a moment, and then told his secretary he'd take the call. He heard a 'click' and then spoke.

"Hello. O'Neill here."

The Spanish came through the phone at such a rapid pace it took him a moment to figure out what was being said. He hadn't spoken any for months and he had to wrap his mind around the Spanish words.

"Sister, slow down", he finally said. "What are you saying?"

She slowed down then, although he could tell she was still quite agitated. As he listened to what she had to say, he could feel himself begin to tense up. He really didn't know if he could deal with this right now.

"But they're okay?" he finally asked.

"Yes, physically they're fine, but Jack Carlito needs you. Can you come?"

Jack thought of all the things he had on his plate and sighed loudly. This time it wasn't an excuse – he really was busy and didn't know how he could possibly get away. They were in the middle of the budget process and things were looking rough. Congress wanted to slash everything and the Stargate program was near the top of the list. Most of them didn't have a clue what it was even about, so figured it must be expendable. He'd been hoping for a small alien attack or something, just to prove to the elected officials that the program was necessary (of course, he wouldn't want anyone to get hurt – maybe just a really good hologram of a snake-head or something).

"Jack?" Sister's voice poked at him from the other end of the phone.

"Sister, I'll see what I can do but it's a really bad time right now. Maybe – do you think they could come up here and visit? I really don't know if I can get away right now but I could see if I could arrange for them to come and stay for awhile."

As he hung up the phone his mind started to race to figure out what had to be done to get Carlito and Amanda up for a visit.

It turned out that the adoption with the couple from Minnesota had fallen through. Carlito had refused, consistently, to have anything to do with the man or his wife. After a while they'd decided that it just wasn'tworth it and had chosen a different sibling couple from the orphanage. Sister Rosario, and the other sisters, had all tried to convince Carlito, but he'd been completely intractable. He refused to go with anyone but Senor Jack.

"He's lost a lot General", the Sister had said, "and he already looks at you as a father figure. We don't know what to do and it's really starting to affect Amanda as well. We thought if they could see you for a while it might get better. Maybe you could convince Carlito that Amanda needs parents – and since he would never leave her he'd agree to an adoption."

So, here he was, trying to figure out what the hell to do between budget and allocation meetings, making sure that everything under his command was running smoothly, and trying to placate his bosses and all the others involved in Homeworld. He groaned and dropped his head into his hands – but only allowed himself a brief moment of despair! He had work to do.

"Lieutenant", he stood up and walked to the door of his office. "I need you to contact Daniel Jackson for me. It's urgent."

It was almost half an hour later before the call came through. Jack had wondered if Daniel was off world, although according to his reports Sg1 wasn't scheduled for any missions. While he'd been waiting he'd made another quick call to Landry to beg a favor.

"Jack, what's wrong?", his friend's voice sounded worried.

"Hi Daniel. Nothing's really wrong – at least nothing with earth's security. No, it seems like I have a bit of a problem in Mexico." He proceeded to tell the other man about the phone call from the little nun.

"I see", Daniel said after he was finished. "That's really too bad, but I'm afraid I don't understand why you've called me. I mean, I sympathize, but I don't think there's really anything I can do."

"Actually there is", he replied. "I can't get away right now. I have a bunch of important meetings, some with the President, that I can't miss. I'd like to ask you and Teal'c if you'd go to Mexico and collect the kids and bring them up. I've okayed it with Landry and I'll arrange and pay for everything. It should only take you a couple of days."

"But Jack – who's going to look after the kids when they're in Washington? You can't take them to meetings at the Pentagon or the White House."

Crap – he hadn't even thought of that. "I'll have my secretary arrange for a temporary nanny or something. Will you do this for me?" he asked.

"Sure Jack – of course I will. What about their papers and everything?"

"That's all being expedited. I have friends in high places, you know. Look Jackson, I really appreciate this – I'll owe you one."

"Yeah you will Jack – and I'll make sure you pay. Next time there's a planet with some great ruins I expect to get the mission – and I want to be allowed to stay as long as I want."

Both of the men knew that Jack would never interfere in Landry's command like that but he laughed anyway and agreed. At the least he owed his friend _something_. He'd have to figure out what it was going to be.

After he hung up the phone Daniel started to think. Maybe this would be good. There was nothing Jack liked, or needed more, than to be around kids. They seemed to take away the edges, as well as bring the man some real joy –which is something he definitely needed in his life. Wondering what this would mean, Daniel jumped up and headed to Teal'c's room.

"I am sorry Daniel Jackson. Normally I would be pleased to assist, however I have a meeting arranged with rebels who are interested in joining the Free Jaffa Movement – but they would only agree to a meeting if I was there. These were former servants of Ba'al, so it is important that the meeting go forward."

"When did you find out about this? I haven't heard anything and I don't think Jack has either."

"I just spoke with General Landry. I received a transmission from Bra'tac only 10 minutes ago."

"I see", he huffed in frustration. "Well, that's important of course and Jack wouldn't expect you to miss it. I just don't feel like going down by myself – especially when I'll have to deal with two children. Still, I guess I can do it."

"What about Colonel Carter? She would be glad to help out." Daniel looked in surprise at his friend, wondering if Teal'c was being clueless. When he saw his friend's expression, however, he knew that Teal'c was, in fact, being very crafty.

"Teal'c, do you think it's wise?" he asked, a worried frown on his face.

"It cannot be worse than the situation as it is. From what you have told me O'Neill is not handling this well and neither is Colonel Carter. She is suffering and yet refuses to acknowledge that her decision to marry Peter Shanahan is incorrect."

"You know, you might have something here Teal'c, although if it goes wrong I think you and I will have to move to Chulak."

"It is possible Daniel Jackson, however I believe they need to face what is happening or they cannot move forward. They must confront one another."

"Yeah, but do you think they'll actually do that? I mean, this is Jack and Sam we're talking about – probably the two people least able to confront their feelings that I've ever known."

"Yes, this is true, but at least we must try if we consider ourselves their friends."

Daniel finally nodded although he was still concerned. This is the kind of thing that might anger both of them, if they thought they had been manipulated.

"Daniel", Teal'c spoke again, "Do you not have an urgent matter that will require your attention for the next few days?"

"Urgent? No, not that I - " He stopped suddenly and looked at his friend again. "Oh God Teal'c, I couldn't."

"Why not? They will then _have_ to communicate with one another."

For the first time ever he approached Sam's lab in fear. He'd finally come to the realization that Teal'c was right – this couldn't go on like this. However, how in the world to convince Sam to do this was beyond him. With a deep breath he stood outside her open door and said a short prayer to whatever gods were listening.

"Uh hi Sam." Well, that was a great beginning!

"Daniel, hi. Whatcha doing?" They didn't have any missions scheduled for a couple of weeks as things had been relatively quiet and Landry figured they all needed some time to work on various projects.

"I uh – just wanted to ask a favor", he said. She put down the thing she was working on and swiveled her chair to look at him. It struck him again how pale and wan she was looking. Yes, Teal'c had been right.

"Sure, what do you need?"

"Well, it's not exactly me", he answered. "Uh – Jack called to ask me to do something for him but it turns out that both Teal'c and I have things we can't miss right now." He kept talking quickly when he saw her face blanch at the mention of the General. "Teal'c has an important meeting with rebel Jaffa who've asked for him specifically. I told Jack I'd do it, but Landry just called to ask me if I'd accompany Sg4 on a mission. They've discovered a major archaeological site and they think it might have been an Ancient settlement. I've been asked to go and it's pretty important otherwise I wouldn't have agreed. Of course, this leaves Jack up the creek and I did promise him I'd help. So, I was wondering if maybe I could ask you to do it instead?" He stopped, out of breath. Sam was looking at him with a bemused expression on her face.

"Daniel, what are you talking about?" she finally asked.

Slowing down, Daniel proceeded to explain Jack's phone call to her. "And he's pretty worried about the kids and is planning to have them brought up to see him. The Sisters can't come and he didn't want the kids to travel with strangers so he asked me if I'd go get them and take them to Washington. I just wondered if you could do it? It would only take a few days."

Sam looked at him blankly. She couldn't quite process what was going on. She was supposed to take two kids and deliver them to Ja – to the General – in Washington? That wasn't part of her duties, she thought to herself. She started to get angry.

"Daniel, he can't ask me to do that", she said. "That's not part of my duties."

"Sam", he answered, "He _didn't_ ask you, he asked me as a favor, as a friend. I told him I would and then this mission came up. I can't very well tell General Landry I can't go since this is a personal favor I offered to do for Jack. If you don't want to do it, that's fine. I'll just have to call Jack and tell him none of us are available. I'm sure he'll understand."

"Why doesn't he go himself", she asked, refusing to allow herself to feel guilty.

"Because he's in the middle of budget talks with the President and Cabinet and then has to present to the Oversight Committee in a couple of weeks. You know Jack – if there was any way he could have gone he would have. He just can't right now. He is making all the arrangements though."

Damn, now she did feel bad. She knew that his new job must be grueling and he couldn't just up and take off. Knowing him, he was also probably feeling guilty he couldn't to and get them. More than that, he was probably feeling guilty that he couldn't keep them permanently. She knew how much they meant to him so this must be really eating at him. She had a brief moment of pain that he hadn't called her, but then knew that that was unfair. He'd never put her into that kid of position.

The sad thing was that they hadn't spoken once since he'd left for Washington and she really missed him. A huge part of her life was missing and the loss wasn't getting any easier to bear. In fact, it got worse as each day went by. She also realized that it wasn't just about those unresolved feelings. No, she and Jack had been friends – good friends – and he'd been an essential part of her life for many years. More than anyone she knew he could keep her on track and focused. He never allowed her to over think (or at least he tried to prevent it). Wouldn't let her wallow in guilt when things didn't go 100% and she figured it was her fault, and he made her laugh. With a sudden clarity she realized she hadn't laughed in a long time.

"Okay Daniel", she finally replied with a hitch to her voice. "I'll do it. When am I supposed to go?" she asked.

"Uh, Jack is going to get back to me with the details later today. I think you're to leave in a day or two." He paused for a moment and then looked closely at his friend. He worried that he was doing the right thing. "You're sure you're okay with this?" he asked gently. "I know you have a lot going on with the wedding and everything."

"No", she answered softly, "It's okay. I think I need to get away for a while anyway. I really don't think I'm cut out for doing table decorations and choosing napkin colors and all that. I'm much better with a P90 than I am with a bouquet!"

"Thanks Sam, I really appreciate it and I know Jack will too."

It was only after he was gone that Sam grimaced. Somehow she didn't think the General was going to be quite so appreciative!

With Teal'c's urging Daniel made one more phone call. This one really worried him as it was totally underhanded and sneaky and he was pretty sure Jack would never forgive him. Oh well, he decided, in for a penny, in for a pound!

"So Daniel, all the arrangements are made. You'll take off tomorrow morning and arrive late in the afternoon. The sisters are expecting you. You'll come back the following morning and should be in Washington late in the evening. It'll be a long day for the kids, I'm afraid, but it's probably better to do it as quickly as possible. Once they're here they can rest. This way they'll get here just in time for the weekend and I have a nanny coming on Monday."

"Uh Jack."

"Yeah? What is it?" Jack didn't like the tone in Daniel's voice.

"Well, it turns out I have a mission tomorrow that I really can't get out of." When he heard the 'damn' on the other end he quickly continued. "But don't worry, I've made other arrangements."

"What? You're postponing your mission or something?"

"No, I mean other arrangements for someone to pick up the kids." He took a deep breath. "Sam has agreed to go get them for you. She's all ready and is just waiting for instructions."

The silence on the other end was deadly. Daniel knew that if he'd been in the same room as Jack he could have been in severe danger. As it was, he waited for the fallout.

"Why Daniel?" the voice asked simply. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Doing? Jack, you wanted those kids to come up – I thought it was important for you. Neither Teal'c nor I can come right now – really – and Sam is free. She's happy to do it Jack – said it would give her a break. She's your friend too, you know."

Another pause and then he heard Jack take a deep breath. "Did you guilt her into doing this?"

"Guilt? Sam? Okay, yeah, she's been known to feel guilty but I don't think she's doing it for that. I think she's glad to help. God Jack, you've been friends for years – don't you think she'd want to help?"

Jack dropped his head back onto his chair and though about Daniel's words. Maybe this was a good thing. He'd felt badly that he and Sam had gone from close friends to nothing. He missed her and the thought of seeing her again was bitter sweet.

"Okay Daniel, I'll have my secretary give her the details -"

"Jack", Daniel interrupted. "I think you should call her yourself. I think she'd appreciate that, otherwise it's going to seem like you're asking her to do it as your subordinate, rather than as your friend."

"Yeah, okay, I'll call. Thanks Daniel."

It was only after he'd hung up the phone that Daniel was able to breathe again. He stood up to go and tell Teal'c that so far things were going okay.

"Samantha Carter", she answered her phone distractedly. She was in the middle of figuring out how part A could possibly fit into part B. Damn, these aliens were as bad as humans for giving crappy instructions.

"Carter."

Oh my God! She practically dropped the phone. It was _him._ It took a couple of seconds before she was able to answer. "Hi Sir. Nice to hear from you." There, that sounded normal and friendly. She could do this.

"Yeah – well – you know – I should have called – but there's always Generally stuff to do."

"Generally? Yes Sir, I can imagine."

"Anyway, I just wanted to call and say thank you for offering to go and pick up the kids. You know you don't have to do this. I'm sure you're really busy with planning the – and everything. I don't want you to feel obligated or anything."

Was he trying to get out of having her go or was he just trying to be nice? She wished she could read him better but this was pretty much uncharted territory.

"Oh no Sir, I'm glad to do it. It'll get me out of the mountain for a few days and away from – uh, it'll be nice to see the kids again. They're sweet."

"Yeah, that they are. I just hope you think that way after bringing them up. Travelling with kids can be pretty grueling."

"I'm sure it can't be worse than travelling with Felgar and Coombs Sir."

He cracked a loud laugh at that – the first in a long time. God, it was good to talk to her. "You're probably right Carter. Anyway, I really do appreciate it. When you get here you're welcome to stay as long as you'd like. I have a big house with lots of guest rooms and I know you probably still have friends here you'd like to see. I'll have my secretary get in touch with all the details. You really don't want me trying to explain! I'd probably end up sending you in completely the wrong direction."

"No Sir", she smiled. "I mean, yes, I'll talk to your secretary. I'm looking forward to seeing you."

"Me too Carter." As he hung up the phone he realized that he truly was looking forward to seeing her. Even though he knew things couldn't – and wouldn't – change – he felt like a piece of himself that had been missing for a long time had just been found. With a small smile he bent his head and got back to work.

Hundreds of miles away another person was also smiling as she bent her head over her desk. Suddenly, life didn't seem so bleak.


	3. Holiday

**_With all those lovely reviews (thank you!) I had to reward you with another chapter! For those of you asking about Skid Row - I'll get back to that right away. This will be a short story and then I'm on to it - but for now - on to this story! (Did anyone mention fluff?)_**

By the time she got to the orphanage she was pretty tired. The sun had set and the driver was cursing the potholes in the road. She couldn't help but reflect on the difference between this trip and the last one. This time she arrived in her street clothes, with regular luggage and with nary a weapon. The Mexican officials had treated her extremely well and everything had been smooth and easy. She figured the Mexican government was still worried the Americans would make a stink about the fact that one of their Generals had been kidnapped.

She paid the driver – giving him a good tip even thought he'd complained the whole way. She got out of the car and was relieved to see that Sister Rosario was standing waiting to meet her. The only problem was going to be the language!

They stumbled through the introduction but fortunately, after a couple of minutes, Sister Jesus (was that a weird name or what?) came out and spoke to her in fractured English. It made things a bit easier, although she still spent a lot of time just smiling and nodding.

She did understand the Sisters when they explained that the children were all asleep. She'd expected as much so simply nodded and said 'manana' – or 'tomorrow' – it was one Spanish word she knew. They then took her into the main building and offered her supper and a drink.

She enjoyed the meal, since she hadn't eaten much, and attempted to converse with the Sisters. All of them had come into the room and had watched her eat and had done a lot of smiling and giggling. She couldn't help but grin to imagine Jack – the General – here with the nuns. She was pretty sure he'd charmed the pants – or maybe that was the 'wimples' off of them. They certainly spoke enough about him, although she couldn't understand most of what they said.

Daniel, where are you when I need you, she said to herself. At least Sister Jesus tried to translate, so she got the gist of some of the conversation. It came clear, soon enough, that they considered Jack to be their personal angel. He'd arranged to have a number of things sent to the orphanage – and she was pretty sure he continued to arrange support. She looked around and a lot of things looked new. She knew that the Orphanage was now the official 'charity' of the SGC – so they were getting regular shipments of goods and donations.

"Most children gone", Sister Jesus explained. "the General get adoptions for children. Now they have families."

"Yes. The General is a good man. He likes to help children", she answered simply. When the nuns nodded and smiled, after Sister's translation, she knew she'd said the right thing.

Sister Rosario spoke for a moment and then Sister Jesus turned and interpreted for her. "Senor Jack very sad. Why that so?" she asked.

"Uh, I don't know", Sam replied. "He's had a lot happen in his life."

"Yes – we know his son but Sister Rosario says something else – something now. You know? She wants help him. "

"Uh, I don't know. I haven't seen the General for a long time."

"No?" Sister Rosario looked at her with a frown when she'd been given the translation. The wise looking woman peered deeply into Sam's eyes and then reached out and patted her hand. Next she lifted her hand and touched Sam's cheek.

"She say you love Jack – you go to him – make him less sad."

Sam gave a small laugh, although she felt uncomfortable with the nun's words. She didn't quite know what to do, but at that moment Sister Rosario stood up and motioned for Sam to follow her. She led her to a small bedroom and showed her the bathroom.

"Buenas noches Senorita", she said softly, She reached out once again and touched Sam gently. Although she couldn't understand her, Sam was pretty sure the Sister understood her very well. She gave a small shiver, feeling like the nun had seen into her soul.

The next morning she finally met the two children, Carlito and Amanda. She'd actually met them before, but hadn't really gotten a chance to spend any time with them. She thought they were adorable, and instantly understood why Jack had fallen in love with them.

They both spoke some English – it turns out the General had taught them and they'd picked it up quickly. It made her job much easier. Also, the fact that they remembered who she was and that she was "Jack's friend", instantly made her acceptable in their eyes. When they found out that she was taking them to see him, they both ran up and hugged her. It took a lot of willpower to keep from crying.

She said goodbye to the sisters and, taking the small suitcase that contained all their possessions, she waited with the two young children for the taxi.

Jack was right, in that traveling with children was tiring. It was also amazing. It had taken her all of ten minutes to fall in love with Amanda, who seemed to share the feeling. It hadn't been very long at all before the little girl had begged to be picked up and held. When she'd fallen asleep, her face nestled snuggly on Sam's shoulder, she knew she was lost. Amanda looked at her in complete love and trust and her heart was truly given to the little girl.

Carlito was a bit more cautious. He accepted Sam because she was Jack's friend, but he wasn't willing to totally trust her and he certainly didn't offer any overt affection. After a few hours, however, and especially when she played some simple games with him, he was hers as well. Pretty soon he was snuggled up to her side, his head or her lap, sound asleep.

By the time they all arrived in Washington she was ready to collapse. Both of the children were sound asleep and it was pitch dark. She had to wake Carlito up and the poor little boy was practically in tears he was so tired. She made her way to the baggage area, holding Carlito's hand and carrying a sleeping Amanda. She was trying to figure out how to get her luggage and make her way to a cab when she heard a shout. Looking up she was incredibly relieved to see the General standing and waiting for her, a cart in tow.

"Senor Jack!" a little, tired voice called. The General smiled and hurried over and picked up Carlito.

"Carlito, my little man. How are you?"

"I am", a big yawn, "fine Senor. Amanda is sleeping. She is tired from the trip." Jack looked over and grinned at Sam.

"I can see that. Well, she's pretty little – not big like you." It didn't take anytime at all before Carlito had laid his head on Jack's shoulder and was sound asleep. "He's pretty little too", Jack said softly.

"They did really well Sir", Sam said softly. "It's been a long day."

"I know, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate you doing this", he answered. "My car and driver are just outside. As soon as your luggage gets here we'll head back and you can rest."

"That sounds heavenly", she said with a smile.

As they waited silently for her luggage, she couldn't help but think about how good this felt. There was no awkwardness, no discomfort. It felt like old times. Oh, she knew it was largely because of the situation and because of the children, and things may return to the way they'd been in the morning, but for now she was just going to enjoy being beside him again.

It took a few more minutes for the luggage to come and Jack loaded it up on the buggy with one hand, the other holding carefully on to the young boy. They made it to the car and were soon on the road to the General's house.

When they arrived there was a few minutes of getting in to the house and getting organized. Jack showed her where he was putting the children. They laid both of them down on the twin beds and then quickly changed them into their pajamas. Neither child woke up.

"I decided to put them in the same room", Jack whispered. "I figured it would be less frightening for them."

"Good idea Sir", she answered. Once both children were down for the night she turned and followed him out to the hall. He'd turned on a small night light before he left – which just showed her that he really did know what he was doing. It was something she wouldn't even have thought about.

"Here", he said more loudly, once they'd walked away from the children's room. "Let me show you where you're sleeping." He took her into the room he'd fixed up for Daniel. He'd left it pretty much the same, except he'd gone out and purchased some flowers for the dresser. It was a simple bouquet of wild flowers, so couldn't be construed as being anything other than a way to decorate the room. The fact that they meant more, to him, was something Sam need never know.

"This is nice Sir", she said, looking around. "And oh – those flowers are beautiful – thank you."

"No problem Carter. I wanted you to feel at home – I mean, you know, like a guest – a friend who was a guest." Crap, he thought, way to screw up Jack.

"Thank you Sir, I really appreciate it."

"Uh, are you hungry? I have some food downstairs or a drink. It's not really that late if you'd like something."

"I'd love a cup of tea if you have one", she answered. She kept telling herself she should just say 'no thank you' and go to bed but instead decided to play with fire. Sam, she said to herself – be careful.

"Sure. Why don't you change into something more – uh, I mean, get out of your travel clothes. I'll make the tea."

After Jack had left she laughed softly at how nervous and 'twisted up' he'd gotten. Normally she would have been embarrassed, but for some reason tonight, she was feeling relaxed and happy.

She ended up changing into her pajamas – basically a pair of sweats - and a bathrobe. The ensemble was as utilitarian as you could get – and as far away from revealing or sexy as it was possible to be – so she had decided to simply go for it. It's not like Jack hadn't seen her in all sorts of outfits over the years.

"There ya go Carter", he grinned when he saw her. "you look a bit more comfortable."

She noticed that Jack had also changed into a pair of comfortable pants and a sweat shirt. He looked more like the 'old' Jack this way – although his hair was greyer.

"Thank you Sir", she said as she accepted the cup of tea. She took a small sip and realized he'd fixed it just the way she liked it. This too gave her a warm feeling. Pete never remembered details like this!

They sat at the kitchen table for the next couple of hours, simply chatting like the old, close friends they were. There was no hint of discomfort or awkwardness. Not once did they refer to anything that would make them uncomfortable – including Pete or her upcoming wedding. She'd left her ring at home – something she didn't want to analyze – but was very glad she had.

That night, as she got into bed, for the first time in a long, long time she rested her head on her pillow and felt like she would be able to sleep. She felt happy – and although a small voice in the back of her mind told her it couldn't last – she refused to let the voice disturb her.

It was bright and early the next day when someone bounced on her bed. With a mumbled 'Jack' she turned over and tried to cover her face. It was only when she heard a soft giggle that she remembered where she was. She rolled onto her back and managed to pry her eyes open. Three pairs of brown eyes were looking at her.

"Hey", she said groggily, "What is this?"

All three faces grinned. "Time to get up Carter" the oldest one of the three said. "We have _plans_."

"Plans? What kind of plans?" she grinned back.

"Oh, that would be giving it away. You have to get up and get dressed because breakfast will be ready in", he looked at his watch, "ten minutes." He walked to the door. "Come on you two, let's let Carter get ready."

Carlito ran and took Jack's hand but Amanda begged to stay. "It's okay Sir, she can stay with me." She turned to the little girl and smiled. "You can help me get ready, okay?"

It was just over 15 minutes later when Sam and Amanda came downstairs, holding hands and giggling. Jack turned and his breath caught – he'd rarely seen something so beautiful as the woman and young girl together. He had to clear his throat before he could speak.

"Well", he said sternly, "It's about time. The pancakes are getting cold."

"Pancakes", Sam squealed (Yes, he'd swear to any and all that she squealed). "I _love_ pancakes."

It turned out she wasn't lying, realized Jack. She managed to down quite a few – and both children laughed and teased her about how many she'd eaten.

"Hey, I don't get them that often", she defended herself.

"What? You don't make pancakes?" Jack asked.

"No. It's not the sort of thing one makes for oneself."

There was a short pause and Jack turned away. "Don't you make them for Pete?" he asked.

She stopped dead – suddenly brought back to reality. Briefly closing her eyes she wondered what had gotten into her. She'd allowed herself to get caught up in the little fantasy -"

A soft 'damn' interrupted her and she looked up to see Jack looking at her apologetically. He gave a small shrug and then began speaking to the children. She sat quietly for a minute, contemplating what she should do. She knew if she was really smart she'd get up, right now, and announce she had to leave.

"So, you kids ready to go on an adventure", Jack asked? They both nodded and practically bounced out of their chairs. The General then looked up at Sam, a tentative look on his face. "Carter? You wanna go on an adventure with us?"

Both children begged, but it was Jack's look of – longing – that finally decided her.

"Yes Sir", she smiled. "There's nothing I'd like more than an adventure."

They spent the rest of the day going around and seeing things that would appeal to young children. Jack took them to the natural history museum and they loved looking at all the animals. Carlito, especially, liked the Air and Space museum and Jack treated everyone to a movie at the IMAX theatre. It was about baby animals, so Jack figured they couldn't go wrong. What had surprised him, was the fact that Carter was just as gushy about the movie – and the baby animals – as were the kids. She even went so far as to buy herself a tee-shirt.

"It's cute Sir", she defended herself when she saw Jack's expression.

"That it is Carter", he said calmly. Inside all he could think of was how cute _she'd_ be wearing that shirt – especially without anything else!

By the time the kids were in bed, asleep, the two adults were pretty tired out. "That was fun Sir", she said. "I haven't been to any of the museums here for a long time."

"It's fun to go with kids", he said as he leaned back in his chair. "It's - different - to see things through their eyes."

She smiled and nodded and then leaned back herself. She was pleasantly sleepy and was almost ready for bed. "I guess I'll call it a night Sir", she said with a sigh. "It's been a great day."

"That it has", there was a brief silence and she just looked at him, too sleepy and relaxed to get up. "Uh Carter, since we're both kind of on vacation this weekend, why don't you call me Jack. It'd be kind of nice not to hear 'Sir' or 'General' for a change." He looked hesitatingly at her, unsure how she'd react to his request. He'd been thinking about it all day, but had only now gotten up the courage to say anything.

She stared at him blankly and then pulled herself forward. He thought she wasn't going to answer but, finally she began to speak. "Okay – under one condition."

"All right", he answered, unsure what she was going to ask.

"No Carter – or Colonel. For the rest of the weekend I'm 'Sam'."

He grinned. "Fine, Sam it is." He stood up and walked the few steps to the couch and offered his hand. She took it and he pulled her up. The two of them walked in companionable silence up the stairs to their separate rooms. As Jack stood in his doorway he looked over and smiled again.

"Sweet dreams Sam", he said gently.

"You too Jack. Don't let the bed bugs bite."

If anything, the next day was better than the previous one. It was a beautiful warm, spring day and they wandered around the city. They stopped for pizza for lunch – which the children loved. Jack then got them all big huge bowls of frozen yogurt and fruit. The childrens' eyes practically popped out of their heads when they saw the treat.

"They're going to get sick Jack', Sam said when she saw the size of the servings.

"Nah, it's Sunday so they need a treat."

She shook her head at the General, knowing he was enjoying this as much, if not more, than the children.

After she'd gone to bed that night, she thought back to the weekend and knew that she couldn't remember when she'd enjoyed herself more. It had been a magical time – and she didn't want to think about it coming to an end.

It had to, however. Tomorrow the nanny was coming and Jack had to return to work. He'd explained things to the kids and they'd cried, begging Jack or Sam to stay.

"I'll stay for a while Sir, to help the transition", she'd offered. She figured she could catch a hop back to Colorado sometime later in the afternoon – although the thought was killing her.

Again, as she lay in bed, she thought about everything that had happened. She had grown to love the two children and knew she'd miss them. She thought about Jack and how happy he'd looked. He was such a natural with kids – they loved him and he loved them. She could imagine what it would be like to live in a family with these two little children – and to have children of her own with Jack."

She sat up in bed, her heart pounding and her head spinning. It had just hit her – she'd just figured it out. Never once, in all the months she'd dated Pete, had she ever thought about having children with him. She didn't once think about what their children would be like, or whether they'd have his brown, or her blue eyes. She hadn't even thought about _wanting_ children. Oh, they'd talked about it – he wanted children – but as far as she was concerned, it was an academic conversation. Never had it touched her or made her yearnfor her own.

Now, however, she did yearn – but it was not for Pete Shanahan's children. No, all she could think of was what Jack's children would be like. She couldn't help the soft smile that appeared – she was pretty sure they'd be a handful – but they'd also be loving, funny and never boring – just like their father.

Finally she realized – finally she knew. She couldn't marry Pete. She couldn't do that to the man – he was too good, too kind to hurt like that. He needed someone who loved him totally – someone who wanted to have his children, who dreamed about what they'd be like. What he didn't need was a woman who was in love with someone else – who pined for another man in her life.

For the first time in months she felt a sense of peace. Oh, she also felt sadness, knowing that she was going to hurt a good man. But, above all she felt like she was finally doing the right thing. She'd go see Pete and call it off.

With a heavy sigh she reached over and turned the bedside light off and rolled onto her side. Looking out the window, into the moon filled night, she breathed slowly and calmly. Yes, this was right.

As her eyes closed, and her body relaxed, she thought one more time about Jack and his beautiful eyes. Yes, she'd like a child with those eyes.


	4. Goodbye

Jack lay in bed that night, unable to sleep. He thought about the last two days, and how perfect they'd been. The time he'd spent with Sam and the kids had brought back, sharply, how much he missed family life. Although it brought a touch of sadness, he refused to dwell on that, instead taking pleasure in thinking about how much fun he'd had.

He also refused to think about the fact that it would soon be over. Sam was heading back tomorrow and the kids would only be staying another week. After that his life would become bleak once more. At least he'd have the memories, and the fact that he and Sam were back to being friends.

He knew he could never again experience what he had with her the last few days, once she and Pete were married. Instead of letting that fact sadden him, he only allowed himself to remember how wonderful it had been to see her laughing and having a good time with the two children.

He sighed and rolled over, knowing he probably wouldn't get much sleep that night. He wished, to the bottom of his soul, he could change things – but he knew it was impossible. With another sigh, he flipped back and stared at the ceiling. He really didn't want to think about saying goodbye.

"What time was she supposed to get here?" Sam asked. She had had breakfast with Jack, knowing it was the last time she'd see him for a while. They were waiting on the nanny, and then he'd head into work. She was going to catch a 3:00 flight so would be gone when he got home.

"She was supposed to be here half an hour ago. They promised me she'd be here on time."

"Maybe she's gotten lost. Do you think you should call?"

He looked at his watch and frowned. He could leave, since Carter was here, but he didn't think it was fair of him to leave her to handle everything. At the same time, he had a meeting at the White House at 9:30 and couldn't be late. It was already after 8:00.

"Yeah, I'd better." He searched until he found the number and quickly dialed.

"Hello, it's General O'Neill here. Yes, I arranged for a nanny starting this morning and she isn't here yet."

There was a short silence and then, "What? No, I did not." - "Why would I do that? I need a nanny for God's sake. - "Yes, Jack O'Neill. _General _Jack O'Neill."

Sam listened to Jack's end of the conversation and wondered what was going on. Whatever it was, it didn't sound good.

"Well then, get someone here as soon as you can." - "WHAT! No, that's not good enough." He slammed down the phone and stood looking at it in frustration.

"What was that about Sir?" she asked.

"Huh?" He turned and looked at her as if surprised she was still there. "Oh, sorry. They said that someone called and cancelled the nanny. Whoever it was identified himself as me."

"Really? That's weird. Can they send another nanny?"

"No, at least not for the next couple of days. I can't figure out how this happened. I arranged it last week and everything was set. Someone's playing a nasty joke!"

"I can't imagine anyone doing that. It must have been a mistake."

"Well, whatever it was, I gotta figure out what to do. I can't exactly take the kids to work with me and I don't even know where to look for another nanny at this point. This agency came highly recommended and I don't want to just call someone out of the blue."

Sam stood there biting her lip trying to make a decision.

"I can stay Sir", she finally said, raising her head to look at the General.

"Sam, no, I can't ask you to do that." Jack shook his head, although his voice sounded less than sure.

"You didn't ask General, I offered. Look Sir, I don't have to be back to the SGC for another few days. I have lots of leave and we're not scheduled to go off world for another week and a half. I love spending time with the kids and if you don't mind putting me up I'd be happy to stay until you can resolve the nanny issue."

Okay, part of him was rejoicing, another part was worried sick. Letting her go was just going to get harder and harder the longer she stayed. Still – it would be his last opportunity to spend time with her while she was still Carter. Soon she'd be Pete's, forever.

"All right Carter – if you're sure?"

"Yes, I'm positive."

He smiled and walked up to her. He knew it was foolish, but he couldn't help himself. He reached over and gave her a quick hug. He pulled back before she had time to either reject or accept the embrace.

"Thank you. You've saved my life again Sam."

"I don't think this can be classed quite as 'life saving' Sir, but I'm glad to help. Now you'd better get going."

Sam sat with a cup of coffee, waiting for the kids to wake up. They'd had a busy few days so she thought it best that they slept in. It also gave her more time to think.

The issue was, of course, Pete. The wedding planning was in full swing and she knew if she was going to make a decision it'd have to be immediately. Yesterday it had seemed clear – but with the morning the doubts returned.

She looked around Jack's house – seeing some of the boxes still unpacked and the fact that there were no pictures on the wall or any real personal items lying around. It wasn't yet a home – but she knew that's what the General needed. He needed a home – and a family. It was going to be hard on him when the children left. She just wished there was some way he could keep them.

She also wished he could keep her! With a groan she stood up – no point thinking that way Sam – it's not going to happen. Just be glad you had these few days!

That evening she had supper waiting for him when he got home. The kids raced to the door to meet him and threw their arms around him. He stopped suddenly in the hall. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and had to gather his emotions quickly. God – this was his idea of heaven. Here he was, coming home to the woman he loved, and two adorable children – and yet it was all an illusion. It wasn't real – just a short glimpse of what he'd give anything to have in his life.

"Hi Sir", she said, coming out of the kitchen. "I hope you don't mind – we went grocery shopping and I made some supper. The kids helped."

"You did?" He said, looking at Amanda. He lifted her up and swung her around until she squealed in delight. "So, does that mean we're having mud pies and worm pudding for supper?" he asked.

"No", Carlito laughed. "Eeew yuck! We're having basgetti and meatballs. Sam said it's yummy."

"Mmmm – sounds good."

"I buttered da bread", Amanda said. "It's gawlic bread."

"_Very_ yummy!" He looked at Sam and winked. "Sounds like you had some real helpers today."

"Absolutely! They were wonderful. Carlito, why don't you help Senor Jack with his coat? We'll be eating in about 10 minutes Sir."

"It's 'Jack' Sam – and thank you. You really don't have to cook for me you know."

"I know S – er Jack, but we had fun. I don't get to cook that often."

"Yeah – that seems kind of familiar. How come you hardly ever cooked when we were on missions? I seem to remember it was usually Daniel or Teal'c."

"Well, I didn't want you guys to think that just because I was a woman I would do all the cooking."

"So, you let a Jaffa warrior do it? God, when I think of some of the things he whipped up. I'll have to take back some of those nice things I said in my official reports about you Carter. You were evil – very evil."

The children looked, wide eyed, at the two adults, not quite sure if they were kidding or not. When Sam grinned they both smiled in relief. They giggled when Jack ruffled their hair and lifted Carlito and tossed him over his shoulder. He turned and headed upstairs, the little boy hanging upside down – and loving it.

"I found someone for the day after tomorrow Sam", Jack finally told her once the kids were in bed and the dished almost done. He tried the last pot and looked at her. "It's been great having you here, but I don't want to impose on you anymore."

She swallowed, feeling disappointed and – hurt. Oh, she knew Jack was trying to do the right thing but somehow it just felt like he was trying to get rid of her.

"I – you didn't have to do that Sir. I've enjoyed it here." There. Did that sound too pathetic, she wondered.

"And I've loved having you here Sam", he said softly, staring into her eyes. "It's just – I think maybe it's better if I get a nanny."

"I'm – I'm sorry. I know you'll be relieved when you can get the nanny and I'm gone -"

"Carter – stop! You know it's not that I don't want you here. It's that – I want you here too much", he confessed with a rare bit of honesty. "Look, you're getting married in a few weeks – and I understand. I want you to be happy – but having you here – having you watch the kids and cook supper – it's just – hard." He looked at her entreatingly. "Please understand that I've loved seeing you and spending time – it's – you're my friend Carter and you mean a lot to me. I just – " he walked to the kitchen door and stood with his back to her for a minute. "I just can't do it anymore."

He turned back and gave her a small smile. "Good night Sam. Have a good sleep. I have to go early tomorrow so don't get up. I'll be back at about six. You know if you need to get me you can call my secretary."

That night, for the first time since she'd been in Washington, she cried herself to sleep.

"What are you going to do about the children?" she asked the next evening. She was leaving the following day, and they'd agreed – without actually saying anything – to avoid anymore talk of 'them'. Instead, she approached the subject of the two, dear little souls who were asleep upstairs.

"I don't know. I've tried to talk to Carlito about adoption and about accepting another family, but he refuses to listen. All he does is hug me and cry. I just don't know what to do. This whole visit was to try and get him to understand I was kind of a favorite uncle – but that there were lots of couples who desperately wanted children – and that Amanda needed a mother. Now I think I've made things worse!"

"Don't you want to keep them?" she asked, knowing the answer but wanting to make Jack say it out loud.

"God – yes of course I do. But there's no way I can – not in my situation."

"Why not?" she asked simply.

"What do you mean 'why not'? How could I possibly keep them? I'm single, for one thing and I have a busy job. I can't stay home to look after them. They need a family."

"It seems to me Sir, that they need someone who will love them unconditionally, and they've found that in you. As for looking after them – I'm sure you could afford a full-time nanny. There's plenty of room here in the house for a live-in. There are lots of single parent families and they make do."

He looked at her blankly and then began to shake his head. "I sometimes work 12 hours a day and on weekends. What kind of parent would I be?"

"Do you need to work those hours or is it more because you don't have anyone to come home to?" She saw him flinch and wished she could take her words back. She hadn't meant them that way at all.

"Maybe Carter – I don't know. I probably don't need to work so hard – but still – I don't see how I could do this."

"I think what you have to decide is, do you want them, can you love them and provide for them, and will they be happy with you? Once you've figured out the answers to those questions you'll be able to decide."

"It's not that easy .

"No? Well, then I guess you're going to have to get ready to say goodbye to them."

Saying goodbye to Sam the next morning was even more painful than he'd expected. In the few short days she'd been with him he'd gotten used to having her around. He wanted nothing more than for her to stay and yet there was nothing he could do to make it happen.

He had his jacket on and he stood at the door, ready to leave the woman he loved. The next time he saw her she'd be Mrs. Shanahan!

"Thanks Sam", he said, giving her another hug. "I can't tell you how much this has meant. You take care of yourself and – good luck – with everything." He went to pull back but she held on for a few seconds extra.

How could she let this man go? She felt tears press into her closed eyes and tried to burn this moment into her memory. It would be all she would have.

The hug finally ended and both of them stepped back sheepishly. "Uh, have a good trip Carter."

"I will Sir, don't worry. Good luck with the kids – I'm sure you'll figure everything out."

"I thought about what you said last night and I'm gonna check into it."

"Check into it as in -?"

"As in seeing how difficult it would be to adopt them. I won't say anything to them until I know whether or not it's a possibility, but I'm gonna try."

"Good for you Jack!", she answered. She couldn't help but hug him again. "Good luck Sir – I'm sure it will all work out."

As his driver pulled out of the driveway he couldn't help but look back at Sam framed in the doorway of his house. He would always remember the sight of her standing on his front porch waving goodbye. God – life sucked.

_**Don't worry – it's not the end yet. One more chapter to go.**_


	5. Square One

"Sam, how did it go at Jack's?", Daniel saw her walking down the hall. She looked good, he thought, so hopefully it hadn't been a disaster.

"Fine Daniel. It was good to see the General again – and I fell in love with the kids. It was hard to leave them."

"Who? Just the kids or _Jack_ and the kids."

"Daniel", she said, a warning in her voice.

"So, did you guys talk?", he asked, ignoring her warning.

"Talk? Of course we talked. I was there for 5 days. We talked a lot."

"You know what I mean Sam. Did you talk about _you know_?"

"You know _what_, Daniel?"

"Saaaam!"

"Daniel, what's there to talk about?", she finally answered. We're friends and that's all – " she stopped, unable and unwilling to continue.

"Okay, okay", he answered, disappointed. "You were – uh – gone longer than I expected."

"Yeah – his nanny didn't show up on Monday so I stayed until he could find another one. It was strange – the agency said someone had called, claiming to be the General, and had cancelled –"

Sam's eyes grew big and she stopped breathing – although only for a second. "It was you, wasn't it?" she asked. "You were the one who cancelled the nanny?"

"Me? Sam why would I do that? And anyway, how could you think I would do such a thing. I'm kinda hurt that you think I would interfere like that." He looked at her with wounded eyes and thanked God he'd had Teal'c make the phone call. Unfortunately the extra time hadn't seemed to bring Jack and Sam to their senses, but at least it looked like they were friends again.

"I'm sorry Daniel, I shouldn't have suspected you. I know you'd never do anything like that – it was just weird."

"So", Daniel quickly changed the subject, "your wedding is getting close. Are you all ready? Oh, and is Jack coming? I should call him and offer him a place to stay." He watched closely for reaction. You are sooo evil Dr. Jackson, he admitted to himself.

"Uh – yeeaah", she said, hesitation in her voice. "I mean, I'm almost ready although –", she quit talking and bit her lip. She couldn't say anything – not until she'd had a chance to talk with Pete. When Daniel kept looking at her she realized she hadn't answered the other question. "The General? I don't know Daniel, we didn't discuss it."

"You didn't discuss your upcoming wedding? Okaaay." Yes Daniel – veeeerrrryy evil!

She arrived home after work, tired after having been away for a few days. It always seemed to be that way after a vacation – the work didn't stop coming in so you had to exhaust yourself again, just to catch up!

She groaned to herself when she saw Pete's car sitting in her driveway. She really wasn't up for this now!

She'd left a message for him, telling him she was back. What she hadn't told him was where she was. She just let him assume she was gone on a mission. She knew that doing that was wrong. She shouldn't be hiding things from her fiancé – at least, not things that weren't classified. She just knew there was no way she could ever explain to him why she'd gone to see General O'Neill. He wouldn't care that she was delivering the children. She knew that Pete didn't like the General very much and would find it odd, to say the least, that she'd spent the last few days with him – even if it was totally innocent.

Okay Sam, she said to herself, you know it wasn't _totally innocent_. Okay, yeah, nothing happened between them – as usual they never _did_ anything – but the feelings had been thick as treacle.

She stood for a moment, outside her own door, and took in a deep breath. After holding it for a few seconds she let it out slowly. No time like the present! With a determined nod she reached down and opened the door.

"Babe! It's great to see you. I was so glad you called that I decided to drive down and see you. My shift doesn't start till noon tomorrow so I have some time."

"Hi Pete", she turned her face as he bent down so that he kissed her on her cheek rather than on the lips. "Have you eaten? I thought I'd order something. I'm afraid I don't much feel like cooking."

"Ha", he laughed. "You don't ever feel like cooking Sam. Too busy off somewhere saving the world. What are you going to do when we have kids? You won't be able to order Thai or pizza all the time."

For some reason his words really bothered her, on a whole bunch of levels. She forced herself to simply smile, knowing that he was just teasing her. She briefly thought back to the meal they'd shared at Jack's. Stop that Sam! Don't go there.

"You're quiet tonight sweetheart. Is everything okay? Did you have a hard mission?"

Hard? He'd never know _how_ hard. It wasn't the mission though – it was the coming home from it.

"No, nothing like that", she answered calmly. "I'm just kind of tired. You know what it's like when you get back", she stopped – oh my God, she'd almost said 'from holiday' – "uh after a long mission and the desk work just piles up. I had a lot of paper work today."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. I hate paperwork too." Pete sat down on the couch and patted the area beside him. "Come on Sam, sit down and relax. I've missed you."

She took another breath – geesh, there didn't seem to be enough oxygen getting into her lungs – and moved over and sat down. Pete pulled her to him and she allowed her head to rest on his shoulder. Maybe this was okay – maybe this was right. She allowed herself to relax, and just enjoy the closeness with another human being, and the peace that surrounded her.

"So, how come you aren't letting Mom and my sisters help with the wedding Sam? They're kinda hurt that you seem to want to do everything yourself. You know that they want to welcome you into the family, but you've been kind of – cold – to them. We're going to be together for the rest of our lives, you know and they're important to me."

So much for the peace, she thought. Raising her head off of his shoulder she forced herself to turn and look at him. She really didn't want to do this right now.

"I'm sorry Pete. I guess I'm just not used to – uh – spending time with other women like this. It's not that I don't like your Mom and sisters – they're very nice. I'm just more used to spending time with guys on missions, not planning parties."

"And you refuse to call my mother, 'Mom'", he continued, completely ignoring her. "Sam, she's asked you a few times and it's rude to keep ignoring her."

"Pete, I've already told you this. I _can't_ call your mother 'Mom'. I had a mom and I just don't feel right about calling anyone else that. It's not meant in disrespect at all. I'm happy to call her 'Phyllis', or Mrs. Shanahan, or anything else. I just can't call her 'Mom'."

"Well, I think if you tried you'd get used to it and it wouldn't bother you so much. You just have to make the attempt."

"Pete, I don't want to talk about this anymore. Look, why don't I order supper? I'm sure you're hungry." She went to stand up but he grasped her arm and pulled her down, this time into his lap.

"Come on babe", he said, kissing her on the neck. "I _am_ hungry – but not for food. I haven't seen you in almost two weeks. Let's worry about supper later."

Oh God, oh God, oh God. What the _hell_ had she been thinking? She wasn't in love with this man – right now all she wanted to do was run to the bathroom and jump in the shower. That was _so not_ the reaction one should have to one's fiancé, 4 weeks before your wedding.

"No Pete", she said firmly, pulling away again and standing up. "Not now."

"Sam", he answered angrily, "What the hell is wrong? Ever since you've been home you've been uncooperative and – and cold. We're engaged and we're getting married soon. I think I should be able to expect a little affection now and then."

The fact was, he was right. Actually – he shouldn't _have_ to expect it – it should just be a normal part of their relationship. Somehow though, his words infuriated her. She knew that if she had returned from some hard mission, Jack would never expect her to be thinking about him. He'd simply say, 'C'mere' and he'd hold her and allow her to gather herself together. And, the very fact that she was thinking about Jack at this moment, and knowing that he'd know what she needed, just proved that she'd made a huge – gigantic – enormous mistake – which she was about to correct right now.

"Pete", she answered calmly, moving to sit beside him again and taking his hands in hers. "You are such a good man, and you don't deserve someone like me, who has to be forced into calling your mother 'Mom' or coaxed into showing you love." She could see by the sudden worry around his eyes, that he suspected what was coming. "You're a good man – a man who deserves someone who loves him totally and who wants all those things with you. Unfortunately, that's not me."

"Sam -!"

"No Pete. I've been unfair to you. I do love you – do care for you – but not in the way you deserve. Please don't think that I've lied to you – or been unfaithful – I've only realized, as the wedding grew nearer, that I'd made a mistake. I mistook affection and a desire for a normal life with you for passion. That's what you deserve Pete – not a damaged woman who doesn't even quite know what she wants."

He sat quietly, his hands still in hers. She suspected he didn't even know they were still there. She could tell he wasn't shocked or surprised – he had to have suspected some of this, but he'd ignored it, just like she had – hoping everything would work out in the end.

"Where were you?" he finally asked. "You weren't on a mission at all, were you?" She frowned at him, trying to figure out why he would possibly suspect, when he continued. "I called General Landry", he explained. "He wouldn't tell me anything, but it was pretty obvious that he was hiding something. I – is there someone else?."

God – how should she answer that one? "Pete, I – it doesn't matter where I was. All I can tell you is that I've _never_ been unfaithful, and if you're thinking that I was off somewhere, having an affair, you're completely wrong. I just needed some time to figure things out. I've been having doubts, but I let the whole wedding thing just kind of carry me away. I realized the last few days, that I wasn't being fair to you."

"No, you weren't." He stood up. "I believe you when you say you weren't having an affair. I know you well enough to know that you're too _honorable_ for that", he said, somewhat sarcastically. "I do think there's more to this than you're telling me, but I can't force you to be honest. I guess that's something you've had trouble with all along – both to me and to yourself."

"Pete!", she said. "I am so sorry. I really didn't mean to hurt you. I wanted us to be happy together – I've only just realized that that won't happen – not if both of us aren't totally in this relationship. Look, I'll handle everything with the wedding details." She looked down and realized, suddenly, that she wasn't even wearing his ring. Closing her eyes, she wondered where the hell her head had been these past months.

"Okay – I'll let you because frankly, I want to forget this as quickly as possible. You can keep the ring – or throw it away for all I care – if you even know where you put it." He walked to the door, anger and hurt oozing from him.

She didn't blame him – she deserved far worse. "I'm sorry", she said again. "I know you'll find happiness again – you're a good man Pete."

"Yeah", he said, not turning to look at her, "I am and I will. I just hope you find what _you're_ looking for. I suspect that no one will be quite good enough for you." On those words he opened the door and walked out of her life.

After collapsing on the couch and crying her eyes out for quite a while, she finally managed to pull herself together enough to go and make herself a cup of tea. As she sat drinking it, she thought back to the past few days and to her conversation with Pete. She knew that eventually she'd feel relief – for now all she felt was a tremendous sense of loss and guilt.

The guilt was for what she'd done to Pete. He hadn't deserved this at all. She laughed softly to herself – at least his family would be happy, she suspected. She knew they had seen through her ambivalence and were probably thanking their lucky stars that she had called off the wedding.

The loss – well, that had nothing to do with Pete (which was very sad, she realized). No, the loss was because of his words to her – that 'no one would be good enough for her'. She knew, with perfect clarity, that that was true. There was only one man that would ever be good enough – and she couldn't have him.

With a sigh she went to retrieve her wedding planning book, and started to figure out all she had to do to cancel a wedding.

* * *

><p>"Have you seen Colonel Carter", Teal'c asked, as he sat down across from Daniel in the Commissary.<p>

"Uh – yeah, I saw her yesterday when she got back from Washington. Why? Have you seen her?"

"Yes. She came to me in my room. I believe she was looking for you as well."

"Really?" He looked around as if she had suddenly appeared. "Uh, why? Is something wrong?"

"No, something is, in fact, very right. It is not for me to say, however. You must talk to her."

Daniel hurried t through his breakfast and then made his way to find Sam.

"Sam?" he said, looking into her lab.

"Daniel! Hi, I was just coming to see you."

"Yeah, Teal'c said you wanted to talk to me."

"I did. Come in and shut the door, will you."

He shut the door and took a seat, wondering all the while what this was about. If he wasn't mistaken, Sam had been crying. She had that 'puffy' look women get after a bout of tears. She didn't look particularly upset now, so he was confused.

"I've called off the wedding", she said without preamble. "I finally realized I was being an idiot and that it would never have worked. I wanted you and Teal'c to be the first to know."

"Wow" he said, stunned. He'd hoped her trip to Washington had changed things, and it appeared as if it had. "Wow", he repeated, unsure as to what else to say. "Have you told Jack?" he finally got out. "Sorry", he said quickly, when he saw her distress, "none of my business – I was just surprised."

"Really?" she asked, decided to ignore the part about Jack. "I thought you didn't want me to marry Pete."

"Hey, it's not that we don't want you to be happy Sam, you know that – and we would have supported you. It's just that we were worried that you were making the wrong decision. Pete was a good guy" okay Daniel, a little white lie never hurt anyone, "but he just didn't seem right for you."

"Well, I wish you'd beaten me over the head to get me to see that sooner!"

"Oh yeah – that would have worked. You would have turned around and beaten the crap out of us if we'd tried. You can be pretty scary you know Sam!"

She grinned slightly, feeling more light-hearted than she had since getting back from DC. Daniel – and Teal'c's – reactions had confirmed she was doing the right thing.

"Uh, can I help with anything?" he asked. "There must be a lot of work in – unplanning – a wedding."

She sighed. "Yes – it's worse than the actual planning. I also feel like total scum – which doesn't help, especially when I have to contact all of Pete's friends."

"He's making you do that?"

"I offered Daniel. I'm the one breaking things off – it wouldn't be very nice to make him do everything."

"No – well, I can see that as far as flowers and cake and stuff – but the guests? I wouldn't want you to do that if I were him. I'd feel too embarrassed."

It turned out Daniel was right. She had a short message on her answering machine when she got home that evening, from one of Pete's sisters. The message was brief, to the point, and oozing with anger and disgust. She knew she deserved it but had a brief fantasy of zatting the woman, which made her feel infinitely better! Anyway, the message said that they'd handle telling their friends and family – she could do the rest – oh, and would she please send the ring back! His sister made that one sound as if she'd insisted on keeping it – which wasn't true at all.

Sam wondered who it was who had insisted she return the ring. She suspected it was one of the sisters rather than Pete. It didn't really matter though – she was more than happy and relieved to return it.

The next few days were busy as she arrange to put a stop to everything. She suddenly realized why all the wedding services and suppliers had insisted on deposits! This whole fiasco was going to cost her a pretty penny, even though they weren't going ahead with the wedding. Oh well – served her right.

The one thing she couldn't quite figure out, was how to tell the General – Jack, not Hank. She wanted him to know – he had to know – but she felt incredibly uncomfortable just calling him up and saying, 'oh, by the say Sir, you know that invite to the wedding you weren't going to attend anyway? Well, you can throw it away now. I've cancelled it.

"Sam – Sam – SAM!" she turned her head, realizing that Daniel had been trying to get her attention.

"Oh, sorry Daniel, I didn't hear you."

"Yeah, I figured that one out. Whatcha doing?"

"Uh – just finishing off on the wedding stuff. I can't say it's been the most fun I've ever had. The flower lady wanted all the details as to why the wedding was off and tried to convince me to change my mind. The baker screamed – said he'd already spent hours planning the 'cake from heaven'. I would have felt bad except I've already paid for it and I'm not getting a refund. Oh, and then there was the minister who wanted to 'council me'. He'd had a nice long talk with Pete's Mom (it's her pastor) and felt that he could assist me in dealing with all my spiritual problems."

"Ugh!"

"Yeah, you've got that right!"

"So, have you told everyone?" he asked innocently.

"Just about", she answered vaguely. She wasn't going to tell Daniel that the 'just' meant Jack – everyone else had been contacted – at least on her side.

"Need some help?" he offered again. "I'm happy to call."

She sat for a moment, biting her lip and seriously considering his offer. It would be easier to have him call the General, although it was the coward's way out. No, she decided, she owed him that much. Jack was her friend after all. She would quickly call and chat and then tell him. It really didn't make a difference anyway.

"No, thank you Daniel", she looked up and smiled at him. "I can do it."

He looked at her seriously for a moment and nodded. He then stood up and walked over to her and gave her a hug. "I'm proud of you Sam. This has been hard but you're doing the right thing and everything will work out."

She gave him back a fierce hug – loving this man – and Teal'c – for their unfailing support and friendship. She could feel the tears gather but refused to let them fall. He was right – things would work out – maybe not the way she had one day hoped – but at least she had her friends, _all _ her friends.

Daniel let go and gave her shoulder a pat and then headed for the door. Just as he stepped through he turned around. "Say hi to Jack for me!"

He laughed as he retreated to the corridor, a clip board almost hitting him in the head.

Sam couldn't help but grin – yes she loved Daniel – although there were times she wanted to bash him over the head.

That evening she fixed supper, cleaned the dishes, went over her list of things to do to cancel her wedding, and looked around to find something else that absolutely had to be done without delay. When she couldn't find anything she knew it was time.

"Okay Sam – courage! You're strong, you're brave, you've vanquished monsters and evil aliens – you can do this!" She picked up the phone and dialed the General's number, not even asking herself how in hell she knew his phone number when she'd never actually called him before.

"Hello", his voice answered. God, she loved his voice.

"Hello, is someone there?"

"Uh, hi Sir, it's me, Sa – ur Carter."

"Hiya Carter! What's up?"

"Well, I just thought I'd call and see how everything was going – you know – with the kids and all?"

"Oh – everything's fine. They're doing well – sound asleep now, of course. The nanny has been great – I mean, not as good as you of course, although I don't mean to suggest you were a nanny – but the kids – things are good." He stopped before he got himself in too deep.

"That's good to hear Sir", she was pretty sure he could hear the huge grin on her face. Only Jack would have so much trouble answering a simple question. "Any word on the adoption?"

"Yeah, it's going okay so far. I've been told I have a good shot. Rea – that's the nanny – has agreed to stay on permanently if it goes through. It'll take a few months before it's official, but I have permission to keep them with me until then. I spoke with Sister Rosario and she's given her blessing", he laughed, "both figuratively and literally. I think this is what she was hoping would happen all along, if I know that sneaky nun."

This time she laughed out loud. "Somehow I think you're right Sir."

"So Carter", he asked – and this time he sounded serious and – unsure. "How's everything going with the –uh –planning and all?"

"That's actually one of the reasons I called Sir", she said.

She was not to know that her words sent daggers into Jack. He suddenly had the terrifying feeling that she was going to ask him to do something to help with the wedding. He desperately tried to think up some excuse to have ready.

"Yeah?" God – his voice squeaked.

"I – uh – well, I've cancelled the wedding Sir." There, she'd done it! She'd told him. There was total silence on the other end. "Uh Sir?"

"Yeah. Okay Carter. Thanks for letting me know." He answered flatly.

He couldn't breathe – his mind was blank – he wanted to shout and scream and dance an Irish jig (if he'd known how to of course – and wouldn't _that_ have made his old team think he had lost it). YES! He pumped his fist – the dwarf shrub was _gone!_

"Oh – okay then Sir – you're welcome. I hope things go well with the kids. I'll talk to you – soon. Uh goodbye." She went to hang up the phone, feeling numb and, if truth were told, a little hurt. Just as she went to place the phone down she heard a faint "SAM!"

"What?" she asked, lifting the phone to her ear. "Did you say something Sir?"

"Yes – Sam, I'm sorry. I mean – I'm sorry for reacting that way, you just threw me. Oh, I'm sorry too about the wedding , about you cancelling the wedding.

"You are?" she asked in surprise.

"Yes – I mean no – I – God Sam, all I mean is this must be really hard for you so I feel sorry for what I'm sure you're going through. I – you know I didn't – I mean. Ah hell Carter! I'm glad you're not getting married!"

"You are?" she asked, feeling relieved and a bit giddy. A slow smile started to appear on her face.

"Hell yeah! You can do _so_ much better."

"I can?" she said, hopefully.

"Yeah." There was a sudden, tense pause. He realized, suddenly, that he'd neatly painted himself into a corner. Crap – now what? "Uh – Sam, I just heard the kids wake up. I gotta go. Take care of yourself and don't feel guilty. You did the right thing."

"Oh – okay then Sir. I'll talk to you soon."

"Yeah – great – thanks Carter." He hung up the phone and sat there cursing himself. Well, you handled that really well General. God, he thought as he ran his hands through his hair, you're such an idiot O'Neill!

She sat there a long time, thinking about that very strange phone call. She didn't know quite what to make of the whole thing. Jack had obviously been pleased about her dumping Pete (sorry Pete!), but then hadn't known what to say. She sighed – I guess they were back to square one.

**_Thanks to gatebeliever for 'dwarf shrub' - made me laugh and I had to use it!_**


	6. To Cherish

**_So ends another story. Oh - for those who may not know - Alegria means 'joy' in Spanish._**

**_I hope you all enjoy the way it ends! Thank you for the many, many lovely reviews and comments. They were wonderful and so appreciated! I'm going to work on Skid Row now - but I needed some sweetness before continuing with that._**

"So Jack, have you heard about Sam?" Daniel sat in his office, his feet up on the table. He was holding an artifact from P3Z 229. Sg4 had brought it back with them and it had dutifully been delivered to Dr. Jackson. Sg4's team leader had been pleased, sure that they'd discovered something amazing. Daniel was trying to figure out a way to let him know that they'd found an ancient chamber pot. It was interesting to him – but didn't hold a lot of promise as a weapon. Unless they could figure out how to hit the Ori over the head with it!

"Daniel?" He sat up with a jerk and almost fell off his chair.

"Oh, sorry Jack – I was just examining an important find one of the teams brought back."

"Okay."

"Yeah – so did you hear from Sam?"

Jack sighed patiently. "As I said a second ago Daniel, yes, I heard from Carter. She told me about breaking off the wedding, if that's what you mean."

"Uh huh. So?"

"So what Daniel?"

"So, what are you going to do?"

"About what?'

"About SAM! You know, the person who just broke off her wedding?"

"Well, I guess I'll return the toaster I picked up at Macy's."

"Jack!"

"Daniel, what do you want me to say? I feel bad for Carter – I'm sure this must be tough on her and I'm sure she's feeling guilty as hell. Other than be her friend and support her, there's nothing I can do."

"Fine, be that way!" After a moment of silence, in which he was sure Jack was counting to 10, he spoke again. "So, how are the kids?"

"They're fine – really fine actually. I've got them both enrolled in school and they're loving it. They're used to being with lots of other kids so they're happy to have new playmates."

"How's the new nanny working out?"

"Rea? She's great. They love her and so do I."

"What!"

"I don't mean like that Daniel! She's practically young enough to be my daughter, for God's sake! She's also married. Her husband lives in the Philippines and she's working to bring him over. What I _meant_ was that she's been great with the kids – they adore her – and she makes life a lot easier for me. I don't worry about them when I'm working."

"Are you still working so hard?" Daniel continued to worry about Jack, knowing how much responsibility he had.

"No – I try to come home pretty much on time and I'm home on the weekends. It's only if there's an emergency, which fortunately hasn't happened too much recently. You guys are doing a great job of keeping us safe!"

"So, do I get a raise?"

"Hah! I figure we already pay you too much Jackson. And anyway, think of the job satisfaction. That has to be worth a lot."

"Yeah, right - a lot of satisfaction in getting zatted, hit over the head and chased by Jaffa. Well, I'm glad to hear you're taking it easier. I was worried you were going to work yourself to death. So – your boss doesn't mind you leaving on time?"

"Well my _bosses_ weren't' too happy about it – but I offered to resign if they didn't like it. I haven't heard anything since."

The fact of the matter was that Jack was enjoying life more than he had in a long, long time. The kids had brought a sense of family and joy back to his life and he refused to miss out on their lives by killing himself at work. He had lots of competent staff and there was no need for him to be in all the time. He expected his secretary was actually quite happy he was absent more than before.

The one thing he was missing, of course, was a woman in his life. He had briefly explored the idea of trying to meet someone – and then Sam had called. Even though there still wasn't the possibility of 'them', the fact that she was no longer engaged made him feel like he'd betray her if he moved on. He sighed to himself. He'd finally decided that he wasn't meant to have a partner in life. He'd had it once, with Sara and now he needed to be satisfied with having the children.

At least he and Sam were back to being friends. Completely frustrated with the way he'd responded when she'd told him of her broken engagement, he'd sat down, the next day, and had written her an email. He kept it light and humorous, but at the same time tried to show his support. Since then they'd been emailing regularly. In fact, the emails from Sam were the highlight of his days.

* * *

><p>Sam was grinning as she read the latest email from Jack. He was telling her some of the exploits of the children. She was so happy for him – he had needed them in his life. She missed them, even though she'd just spent a few days with them. She'd mentioned that to the General, and he'd gone and arranged a Skype account so she could talk to them over the internet.<p>

The kids loved being able to see her and talk to her every week. They'd soon started calling her 'Auntie Sam' and were showing her their artwork and telling her about their friends and school. Sam also loved the fact that Jack would often get on, even if only for a couple of minutes. Seeing him, even if on a computer screen, made her feel close to him in a way she hadn't in a long time – at least not since before Pete.

Life went on. The aliens were learning that it wasn't good to mess with earth – and things were rather quiet out there in space. Teal'c was becoming more involved with the Jaffa alliance and so spent time off world. Daniel – well – he was Daniel. When not off world he spent time with his research and artifacts. He'd always made time to come and visit her – and they still got together for team nights. So, all in all, things were good.

They were almost too good, thought Sam. She had this strange sense that something was about to happen. She just prayed it wouldn't be something bad.

* * *

><p>"You wanted to see me Sir?" Jack said as he entered General Schwartz' office. The General was the Air Force Chief of Staff – and Jack's immediate superior. He'd gotten to know the General over the last few months and enjoyed working with him. It was unusual, however, to get called to see him when there were no budget talks going on.<p>

"Jack! Yes, come on in and have a seat."

Jack sat in the chair facing the General. Fortunately Schwartz didn't look upset – which was definitely good. Jack still lived with the feeling that one day he'd get called in and scolded and informed he was in big trouble. He'd never quite gotten over being told, as a kid in school, and as a junior officer in the Air Force, that he was a screw up who would never make it.

"So, there's something I want to ask you Jack", the General said, picking up a piece of paper off his desk and looking at it. "I know that technically it's not your decision, but you're intimately acquainted with the situation, so I wanted to get your feelings on the matter."

For the next 10 minutes General Schwartz told him what he was thinking of doing. The issue had been raised at a meeting Schwartz had attended and to give him credit, he'd wanted all the facts before making the final decision.

Jack just about bit his tongue when he heard what the General had to say. He had to clear his throat a couple of times before he could even speak. Eventually however, he was able to answer, without sounding like an idiot. In fact, he was pretty sure that his boss had no idea that he'd just about knocked Jack off his chair.

As he was driven home that night, he thought about what this might mean. It could go both ways, he decided, but it was really out of his hands at this point. He took a deep breath and knew that things could soon change. He just prayed the change would be for the good.

* * *

><p>"What's all the noise Sir", Sam asked. He had to cover his one ear so he could hear her.<p>

"Uh, birthday party Carter. Amanda's turning 5 and she begged me to invite her kindergarten class to her party", he said over the squeals and yells.

"The _whole_ class Sir?" she asked, laughing.

"Yeah. You know what Carter?"

"What Sir?"

"I can control an entire military base of soldiers and scientists and medical professionals. I can deal with politicians and bureaucrats. I can even handle System Lords, Jaffa and little grey aliens."

"But?" she asked with a grin.

"I think I've been defeated by a group of 5 year olds!"

She laughed loudly at that – knowing that he was probably having as much fun as the 5 year olds. In fact – she was pretty sure he was in the thick of things with them. She wondered what all the mothers thought. Ooh, she frowned. There might be some single moms in the crowd. They'd better keep their hands off her General or -"

"So, whatcha doing Carter?", he yelled.

"Uh, I just called to wish Amanda a happy birthday, but maybe I'd better call back."

"Might be a good idea. She's trying to pin the tail on the donkey right now, although I think she actually pinned it on Cameron."

She giggled some more – totally tickled by the mental picture of Jack surrounded by the kids. "Did you get the tail on in the right spot Sir?" she asked.

"Carter!", he said shocked. "Do you think it's appropriate for a _General_ to be playing little kid's games?"

"Sir?"

"No, I pinned it on the donkey's nose. I must admit it looks pretty good."

"Did you get the gift I sent?" she asked, after a few minutes. It felt so good to laugh with him.

"Yes – it came today. I haven't given it to her yet. I thought I'd wait for a quieter moment. I'll leave it till tomorrow – since that's her actual birthday anyway. I'll have her Skype you when she opens it."

"That'd be great Sir, I'd like that. Give her a kiss for me and tell her I wish I could be there at the party."

"Will do Carter. I wish you could be here too." There – that didn't sound bad, did it? "Hey – I'd better go before someone gets hurt here. I think they're ready to sit down to eat. We have _cake_ you know!"

"I'd better let you go then Sir. Take it easy and enjoy the rest of the party."

"Oh yeah – sure. I'll let you know if I survive."

After he'd signed off she still sat there grinning. She _so_ wished she could be there. It would be fun.

It was a couple of days later when she got a call from Landry's office asking her to come up and see him. She wondered what this was about. There was nothing happening, as far as she knew. She just hoped it wasn't some new threat on the horizon.

"Sir?" she knocked on his door.

"Come in Colonel. Have a seat." Landry smiled and quickly signed a paper and handed it off to Walter, who nodded at Sam and then left the room, closing the door behind himself.

"So – how are things going with you Colonel Carter?" he asked.

She spent a couple of minutes telling him about a few of the things she was working on. She was puzzled though – Landry kept up pretty carefully with things so she didn't think he really needed to hear what she was doing. She was quite sure he knew all of this.

"That's good Colonel. Sounds like things are well in order."

"Yes Sir."

"Have you spoken with General O'Neill lately?", he asked, out of the blue.

"Uh, I talked to him the other day. It was Amanda's birthday so I called to say happy birthday to her."

"I see. Did he – uh – tell you anything about what's going on in DC?"

"No Sir. He usually doesn't say much about it.", she closed her eyes briefly. Crap – that made it sound like she was in regular contact with him – which she was – she just didn't need anyone to know.

"I see." Landry pursed his lips, but didn't seem to be really paying attention to Sam. "There's something I have to tell you Colonel." He sat back and looked at her carefully.

Somehow, she figured that this was it – now was when the _something_ was about to happen.

* * *

><p>The kids were both over at a friend's house and Rea was visiting her cousin who lived just outside of Washington. He had a rare day of peace and quiet, and decided to enjoy it to the fullest. He was dressed in old, scruffy pants with an ancient Air Force tee-shirt that had seen better days. He figured it didn't matter since he wasn't going to see anyone anyway. His plan was to read, listen to music, and eat whatever he wanted. There were no kids to set an example for – so today was a day for him to be a lazy slob!<p>

He settled himself down on the couch, a beer on the table beside him, and a good book in hand. The music was playing softly and he figured life couldn't possibly get any better.

The doorbell rang at just that moment. Okay – maybe it was too much to ask to have a day to himself. He pulled himself to his feet and set the book down. It was probably just some canvasser looking for a donation.

He padded his way to the front in bare feet and opened the door.

He'd been absolutely, completely, 100% wrong. Life had just gotten _much _better.

"Sam – uh Carter – what are you doing here?"

She was dressed casually – not in uniform – and looked beautiful. But then, he acknowledged to himself – she could be stark naked, covered in mud, and still look beautiful. Wait – no! She'd look especially beautiful naked with mud. Stop right there O'Neill! It was only as he reigned in his dirty mind that he realized she hadn't answered his question.

"Carter? Is everything okay?"

He realized then that she was looking – very strange. She had a bewildered look on her face – more unsure than he'd ever seen her. "Come in." He pulled her into his house and led her quietly to his living room.

"Come on, sit down. I'm gonna get you a drink. I'll be right back."

"No Sir, don't go." She reached over and grabbed his wrist.

With a slight shrug he moved closer and sat down beside her. "What is it? What's wrong Sam?" God – he was really worried. What the hell had happened? He was pretty sure it couldn't be anything to do with Daniel or Teal'c, or he would have heard. Oh hell – maybe it was Hammond.

Sam realized that she needed to say something. Poor Jack was freaking out and she was sitting here like a statue.

"No – it's okay General. Everything's fine – at least I think it's fine. I just – I wanted – I needed -" , she stopped and took a deep breath, but didn't know how to continue.

"You needed – what Carter?"

"I needed to know if you did this Sir?" she asked.

"Did what?" he looked at her confused.

"General Landry told me yesterday – and I wondered if it was your doing?"

It suddenly became clear to Jack what she was talking about. He'd had the discussion with Schwartz weeks ago, and he'd thought nothing had come of it so had forgotten about it. Crap – he wished he'd been kept in the loop on this one.

"Uh Sam – you need to be a bit clearer. I'm not quite sure what you mean?" Okay, he wanted to make sure they were on the same page before he opened his mouth. He'd learned that was a way to make sure you didn't give away too much – or come across as a fool, in case you'd got it wrong.

"About the position with the Office of Scientific Research", she answered quietly. She peered at him closely – he knew he couldn't lie.

"Did they offer you the job?" he asked, no longer pretending he didn't know what this was about.

"I go to see the Director tomorrow. I guess he'll decide." She looked at him again. "Was it you Sir?"

He wondered what she was thinking at that moment. Usually he could read Carter pretty well. She wasn't particularly good at hiding her feelings. This time, however, he really didn't know what she wanted from him. He decided that the truth was really the only thing he could give her.

"No, it wasn't me", he answered honestly. "General Schwartz asked me what I thought about you as a potential candidate for the job. He figured I knew you pretty well and would have a good sense of whether or not you were cut out for it."

"What did you say?" she asked curiously.

"I told him you were the best damn leader I knew and that any place you went would be lucky to have you", he answered. When she didn't say anything he continued. "Look Carter – you know me by now. I would never, ever interfere with your career. What I said to Schwartz was the truth – I certainly wasn't about to lie to him. As far as recommending you or anything – no, I wouldn't do that without talking to you first. This was a total surprise to me – and honestly, I didn't think anything had come of it. I figured they thought you were too important on the front lines. I'm sorry if it upsets you."

She continued to look at him and he started to feel jumpy. He wanted to fidget – just like when Sister Josepha used to stare at him in math class. "Carter?" he finally asked. For God's sake Carter – throw me a bone here.

"I'm glad you didn't interfere Sir. I just - I needed to know if it was you."

"Are you unhappy about it?" he asked.

"No, I don't think so, although I haven't given it much thought. I think they're interviewing a number of candidates so it's probably unlikely that they'll offer it to me anyway."

"Well – whatever happens I hope you get what you want Carter. You know I'll support whatever happens."

As she got ready for her interview, Sam couldn't help but think back to the previous day. They hadn't discussed the job anymore, neither of them wanting to think about it. Instead, they'd spent a lovely afternoon relaxing and listening to music. She got her book out and the two of them sat quietly, both reading and not talking. If there were a number of covert glances – well, neither would admit to them.

Sam still didn't know quite what to think about the job. It was extremely flattering. She'd be the military director and commander of the Air Force Office of Scientific Research, based in Arlington, Virginia, right outside of DC. The fact that they were even considering someone her age was pretty amazing – and also why she didn't think she'd actually be chosen.

She also was terribly confused as to whether or not she wanted it. It would mean the practical end of gate travel and really, the end of an era. The issue which she'd avoided since Landry had told her about the job, was the O'Neill factor. She didn't know if he'd want her close by or not. She wondered how it would affect their relationship.

He hadn't given anything away when she'd confronted him with the job offer. She couldn't read him – would he want her here or not? She shook her head in frustration – wishing that life was not so complicated.

* * *

><p>She closed the door and locked it for the last time. She looked up and down the street, wondering if she'd ever be back. Daniel and Teal'c sat in the car, waiting patiently for her to finish her last walk through her empty house. They were driving her to the airport and all her things were following by truck.<p>

She'd returned to the SGC after her interview and had heard nothing for weeks. She was pretty sure that they'd picked someone else, and part of her had been relieved. That way she wouldn't have to deal with anything.

Then had come the day when Landry had again called her into his office. She went blindly – happily – not knowing that her life was about to change drastically.

"Colonel, I just got a call from Washington. They want you to take the post with the AFOSR. You're to start in two weeks. Congratulations Commander! This is a real honor and I'm proud to say that you are one of ours. I know you'll do a fantastic job."

She'd thanked the General and made her way immediately to Daniel's office. She was so stunned she didn't know what to think or feel.

"Sam, hi. Can you take a look at this for me", he'd asked, staring into a brightly lit canister. "I think it may be – Sam, what's wrong?" Daniel had looked up and seen the stricken looking woman in front of him. "Oh God, it's not Jack is it? Or Hammond?"

"What? Oh, no, no Daniel, it's nothing like that."

"Thank God. What is it then? You look like death."

"It's not that bad, really. I just found out – I found out that I'm being transferred."

"What? Transferred? Where?" he frowned.

"To Washington. I've been made Commander of the AFOSR."

"The _what?"_

"The Air Force Office of Scientific Research. It's based in Arlington. It's quite an honor to be chosen."

"Okaay. Do you want this Sam?" he asked.

"Uh – I don't know Daniel. It means I won't be with you guys now. I won't go through the gate anymore."

"Oh, I'm sure they'll still let you. You were the person who helped figure out how to work the damn thing."

"But I'll be in Virginia – not exactly an easy commute."

"Yeah – I guess there's that. Still – it's a great honor so I'm proud of you."

"Thanks. Yes – it is an honor. I'm going to be Commander of the whole department – I'll share the responsibility with the civilian Director."

He stood up and gave her a hug. "We'll miss you Sam, but this sounds like a great opportunity for you. Things are pretty quiet now so it's a good time to move on."

"I guess so."

"Wait – Sam, did Jack do this?"

"No. He heard about it but it wasn't his decision at all. You know him Daniel. He'd never interfere with my career."

"No – you're right. Still, I bet he's happy that you're moving there."

"I – he didn't say anything when I told him."

"You told him you got the job?" He was surprised Jack wouldn't have said something to her.

"Uh – no. He just knows they interviewed me. I'm sure he's heard by now but I haven't talked to him."

"Oh – well, he probably didn't say anything before because he wouldn't want to make you feel bad if you didn't get it. I'm sure he'll be happy."

She hadn't spoken to him at all – not since she'd found out about the job. She'd received a short email from him which congratulated her and offered his help. She could still remember it.

"_Congratulations Carter! I knew you were smart enough, and good enough, to handle the job - I just didn't know if they'd be smart enough to realize that. Obviously they were, so welcome to DC! Let me know if there is anything I can do to make your transition easier. Let me know when you get in. I'll take you to dinner."_

_Jack_

That's the last bit of communication she'd had from him, other than an invitation to stay with him until she found a place. She'd sent a 'thank you' to both his email and his offer.

So, here she was, standing outside his house with her suitcase in her hand. It was late – past the children's bedtime – but the lights were still on. She'd sent a quick email telling him what time she was arriving, so he was clearly waiting for her. She took a deep breath and started to walk.

"Carter – come on in. You must be tired. Packing and moving is – crappy!" He stood back as she entered and took her suitcase. "I'll pop this upstairs to your room. I've fixed a bite to eat for you so why don't you go relax in the living room and I'll bring it in."

"You don't -"

" – have to do that for me General" he finished her sentence. "I know Sam – but I wanted to so just relax enjoy it!"

"Yes Sir", she grinned.

"And don't call me 'Sir'", he shouted over his shoulder as he headed upstairs with her bag.

After a light but delicious supper she settled back in her chair and watched the General. He was holding a cup of coffee in his hands, although she was pretty sure it had gotten cold. He kept twirling it back and forth in his hands – a sure sign that he was either nervous or worried about something.

"So Carter – here you are in Washington again. How are you feeling about the whole thing?"

"A little overwhelmed, if I'm being honest with myself. It all seemed to happen so fast I can barely get my head around it."

"Yes, well, welcome to the Air Force! It'll take a while Carter – especially moving from the front lines to a desk job. There'll be days you hate it – and would given anything to get back out there. But after a while you get to enjoying the, I don't know, _stability_ of the whole thing. It gets nice to actually have a life again."

"Are you happy Sir? I mean, with having a desk job and living in Washington?"

He laughed softly. "You know – if you'd have asked me that a few months ago I would have said no. I hated the job, Washington, not being at the SGC – just about everything. Now? Well, I can honestly say that I don't want to go back to the front lines (as if they'd have me anyway). I'm enjoying having the kids and not worrying about having aliens attack and kill me."

"I'm glad Sir. We were worried about you."

"You were?" he looked quite pleased at that. 'Well, I'm fine now, and you will be too. Just don't be too hard on yourself and know that some days will be harder than others."

Jack took the next few days off and helped her look for a place to live. The kids were thrilled to see 'Auntie Sam', and pretty much monopolized her time when she was at Jack's.

She met Rea, the nanny, and was impressed. The kids clearly adored her and she was loving – but also strict – with them. The General treated her in much the same way he treated young officers – with kindness but with a touch of formality. He was very careful to keep their relationship professional but friendly.

She found a place – a small two bedroom apartment right in Arlington. It was close to work – and only about 15 minutes from Jack's place.

She started her job, and for the first few weeks was so busy she'd simply come home and collapsed. Jack made her come over on Sundays, at least, and get away from any and all work.

"I'm a General, Carter. You have to do what I say", he'd told her when she'd said once she had too much work to take the day off.

"You may be a General Sir", she'd responded. "But you're no longer in my chain of command!"

Well, that threw the cat among the pigeons, she thought, closing her eyes. They'd both managed to completely ignore the elephant in the room in the weeks since she'd been in Washington. God – what had she done, she wondered? How in hell was he going to react.

"Yes – well – you still have to come over on Sunday." He'd decided to ignore her remark. She was surprised at how depressed she felt over that fact.

It was a week later when she got a phone call, late in the evening. She was just making sure everything was put away and was about to head to bed when the phone rang.

Who could this be? she wondered. It was pretty late for a call.

"Hello?"

"Hi. Carter?"

"Uh, yes Sir, it's me. Is everything okay?"

"What?" he asked, confused. "Oh, yeah – everything's fine."

"Okay good." She stopped, waiting for him to continue. "Uh, so Sir – what can I do for you?"

"Huh?"

"General, you called me. I'm just wondering what you wanted?"

"Oh – I did – yeah. I just wondered Carter -"

"Yes?"

"_I just wondered if you were free on Friday_?"

It took her a few seconds to decipher what he'd said, he's spoken so fast.

"This Friday?"

"Yeah."

"Uh – I think so. Yes, I'm free."

"Good."

"Sir?", she asked, after another long pause. "Why do you need to know whether or not I'm free?"

"What? Oh – I just wondered if you'd like to -"

"Like to - ?"

"Go to a concert?" he asked. "Someone gave me tickets to the National Symphony and I thought maybe you'd like to come - wouldn't want to waste them."

For a second there she'd thought he was asking her out on a date, but it looked like he just needed a companion to accompany him and use the tickets. Squashing down the feeling of disappointment, she answered.

"Sure, unless there's someone else you'd rather take", she answered.

"Why would I want to do that?" he asked, clearly confused.

"Well – I thought you just didn't want to waste the tickets. You don't have to take me if there's someone else you'd like to take."

There was a pause on the other end and then she could hear a sigh.

"Sam", he said softly.

"Yes?"

"I'm gonna start this conversation over, okay?"

"Uh – okay." What was this about?

"Sam, it's Jack."

"Hi Si-"

"Stop! _Sam_ it's _Jack_", he said, very deliberately.

"Oh. Hi Jack."

"There, that's better. How are you Sam?"

"I'm fine Jack", she started to grin.

"Great, I'm happy to hear that. I wanted to know _Sam_ if you would like to accompany me Friday night. I would like to take you out to dinner and then to the Symphony. I bought tickets especially, because I wanted to do something with _you_."

Her heart was starting to pound in earnest. Was he meaning what she thought he was meaning?

"I see", she answered lamely. "Um – I'd – are you sure you want me to go?"

"Sam!", he said in exasperation. "You're killing me here you know."

"Sorry", she giggled. "Jack, I'd be honored to go with you."

"Honored?" he asked. She could hear the slight disappointment in his voice.

"What I meant was – I'd be very pleased – very happy – to go with you to supper and a concert."

"Happy?" This time _he _sounded much happier.

"Oh yes – thrilled actually Jack."

"Thrilled?" he asked, sounding like a five year old who'd just found out that Halloween was tomorrow.

"Yes, definitely thrilled. In fact – I would not hesitate to say ecstatic."

"Ecstatic! I like 'ecstatic'", he said seriously.

"You do?"

"Oh yes – definitely - ecstatic is good."

"And how about you Jack?" she asked, suddenly feeling thoroughly brave.

"Me? Well, let me think – overjoyed?, elated? thrilled? over the moon? There are a few more, but I think you get the point."

"Yes, I do." There was silence again, but this time it was filled with excitement and joy and a bit of fear. "So Jack", she finally continued. "What time should I be ready?"

"I'll pick you up at 5:30 Sam."

"Good, I'll see you then."

"Yes, you will and Sam -"

"Mmm hmm?"

"Thank you."

She'd gone out and bought a whole new outfit for the occasion. She'd come home early and had spent more time getting ready than she could ever remember doing. She looked in the mirror and wondered if Jack would notice a difference – or if he would care.

She was finally ready way too early, and spent the next 45 minutes pacing around her apartment. She couldn't remember ever being so nervous. She prayed this evening would go well. What if she'd misread the situation? What if he still saw her as no more than a friend?

"Don't be stupid Sam", she said out loud. "There is no way you could have misinterpreted _that_ conversation."

By the time the doorbell rang, Sam was sure she was ready for a nervous breakdown! She took a deep breath – which was almost impossible as her lungs didn't want to work and walked to the door. With another short prayer, she opened it.

Jack stood there dressed all in black – and looking good enough to eat. God, the man was so gorgeous she couldn't think straight. She just stared at him blankly for a moment, thinking how lucky she was.

"Uh, is something wrong?" he finally asked, looking down at himself.

"What? No, oh no. You just look – amazing Sir. You look really good."

"Thank you", he smiled and stepped in. He then offered her the flowers he was holding. A dozen red roses – holy crap, she thought – red roses! His meaning was clear. She took them and then saw him staring. It had taken him a moment to notice what she was wearing.

"You – look – absolutely – gorgeous!" he breathed. He blatantly looked her up and down and then seemed to realize what he was doing, at which point he got very embarrassed. "Sorry", he muttered.

"You don't have to feel sorry S- Jack. It's very nice to be admired – thank you."

Dinner was a little awkward, although not as bad as she'd imagined it could be. Whenever the conversation stalled, they could always talk about the children – Carlo, Amanda, Daniel and Teal'c! The good news was, as the evening wore on, things got easier. By the time they left for the symphony they were laughing and talking like the old friends they were.

There were differences, however. This time he touched her – subtly and carefully – but very obviously. As they walked he put his hand on her low back. He reached out a number of times and touched her fingers. As they left the restaurant he helped her with her coat, and let his hands linger – just slightly – but enough for her to know it wasn't an accident.

They sat together in the symphony, side by side, not touching – until the second half of the program. Jack had been 'twitching' for a bit until he finally looked at her – to the strains of Mozart – and shrugged. With a small grin he lifted his arm and put it around her. After a brief, tense moment, she relaxed and laid her head on his shoulder. For the rest of the evening she listened to the beautiful music while held closely by the man she loved.

"That was wonderful Jack – thank you for inviting me." She was curled up on his couch, having a cup of tea.

"It _was_ – thank you for accepting."

"As if I would have refused!" she said.

"I – well I wasn't sure", he answered. "I thought maybe – you wouldn't want this."

She realized, at that moment, that this was it. This was the moment of truth – of deciding if this was to end now, or to move ahead. This is what she'd dreamed of, wished for, and hoped. Now was the time to take the leap – if she really wanted it – and him.

"I've wanted this for a long time Jack", she finally said, very softly. "I just got into the habit of believing I couldn't ever have it. It's still – hard to imagine."

"But you _do _want it?" he asked – both worry and hope in his eyes. She realized, at that moment, that it had taken immense courage for him to do this. He'd put himself out there totally. Now, she had to be the one showing courage.

She straightened her legs and moved over until she was sitting right next to Jack, where he sat on the opposite side of the couch. She reached down and took his cup and placed it on the table and then turned his face so he was looking at her.

"I want this more than anything I've ever wanted in my whole life. I want _you_ more than anything else. Pete told me no one would ever be good enough for me – but he was wrong. _You_ are not only good enough – you're perfect for me." She leaned forward and gently put her lips to his.

It took him a couple of seconds to believe this was truly happening but then, he closed his eyes and softly, gently, returned her kiss. He put all of himself into it – all the fear, all the love, all the insecurity and all the hope. He let her know, by this kiss, that she too was perfect for him. She always had been and always would be.

At that moment – in that room, lit only by firelight – he knew that he'd been forgiven – and that he'd been blessed.

_**Epilogue**_

"You look beautiful!" he said. Her hair flowed down her back and the pink color of the dress made her skin glow. He couldn't help but smile to see his little girl, looking so pretty.

"Papa, you look beautiful too", she said as she hugged him.

"Papa isn't _beautiful_ Amanda", her older brother corrected. "Sammy says he is handsome."

"You are handsome Papa", Amanda repeated dutifully.

"Thank you sweetheart. And what about Carlo? He's handsome too." He looked down at his son, dressed in a black tuxedo and looking like such a little man. He could feel his heart swell with pride when looking at his two children.

The adoption had come through just a month ago – so they were now, officially, his children. Carlito had informed him that now he was to be known as _Carlo_ O'Neill – not Carlito.

"It's a baby name Papa!" He hadn't laughed, although he'd told Sam and they'd both grinned at how important it was to the little boy not to be 'the baby'. He'd also told her how wonderful it was to hear the kids using his name.

"Come on Amanda, Carlo, we have to go now", Cassie peeked her head around the corner and smiled. Amanda gave Jack one final kiss and then took Cassie's hand. Carlo hugged his father and joined the girls.

"You look great Jack", Cassie said. "Sam's gonna be impressed."

"She already is Cas! That's why she's marrying me."

"And here I thought it was for your yo-yo collection!" He grinned and waved her away – wanting to get the show on the road.

It was a couple of minutes later when Daniel and Teal'c came to get him. "You all ready Jack?" his friend asked.

"As I'll ever be Daniel." He said, straightening his tie one last time.

As they walked to the front Daniel spoke softly. "I'm happy for you Jack. There's no one I know who deserves happiness more than you."

"This is true O'Neill", Teal'c said. "You will be very happy together, of that I am sure."

Jack stopped and turned to his two friends – his two best friends. "Thank you guys – for everything. You're our family, you know. We wouldn't have gotten here except for the two of you." He gave each of them a quick hug and they proceeded to the front of the church.

As they stood there waiting – just before Sam was to walk down the isle – Daniel leaned over.

"It's true, you know", he said softly.

"What's true?" Jack asked, a puzzled frown on his face.

"You wouldn't have gotten here without Teal'c and me."

"Yeah – okay – why?" Jack asked suspiciously.

"Because we're the ones who cancelled your nanny."

At that moment the music started and the wedding party began their march down the isle.

Jack watched as Amanda walked down – shy but steady. She was smiling, so proud and happy to be part of the wedding. Next came Cassie – his 'grown' daughter. She'd turned into such a beautiful young woman. Janet would be proud.

Next came Carlito – Carlo – carefully carrying the pillow with the rings. He had such an intent expression on his face that Jack wanted to laugh. He was taking his role very seriously! God – he loved these children so much.

And then – and then came the woman he'd loved for so long, on the arm of George Hammond. She was gorgeous, in her dress, although he really didn't see it. To him she was always beautiful – but it was more than her appearance. Sam was a person with a beautiful soul – and he was fortunate enough to be able to spend the rest of his life near her and to bask in the warm glow of her love.

He knew he was lucky – he figured he probably didn't deserve her – although she'd kick his butt if she heard him say that. He did know that he wanted her – in all ways. She made him whole and he'd do everything in his power to make her never regret this day. He'd love her and cherish her – and thank the stars – that she was his,

She arrived at his side and he gently, reverently, took her hand in his.

To love, and to cherish and to hold – forever.

_**The End **_


End file.
